In the past few weeks all of my Halloween posts vanished into the dark woods never to return. As I hollered to each one “Don’t go in there! We must stick together! The delete button will get you!”
One by one they ran off vanishing into the night leaving behind the echoing sound of their words!
If you come across any of these posts please tread with caution! God only knows what horrors could be trapped inside each post waiting to be unleashed onto your screen.
1) The Lingering Smell
What happens when your tween brings home their hockey bag after an intense game? A smell that lingers throughout the whole home. It haunts morning, noon, or night.
I am gagging on the smell as I write this and if you don’t hear from me in another week than you know the smell has gotten me.
2) The Diablo Sauce that was not Hot
It is a secret sauce of an eighty year old lady who swears it is hotter than Hell. No one has the heart to tell her that on tablespoon of Worcestershire sauce and garlic does not qualify it to be hot sauce. Unless of course you are the devil!
3) The Haunted Blender
My blender will turn on when you least expect it! It waits until you have gone into a zombie state while washing the dishes and without warning a loud grinding noise startles you taking you back to Children of the Corn. You know there is no escape! All you can do is walkover with trepidation and quietly unplug it.
4) The Howling Coyotes
Bright and early before the sun rises the coyotes howl, they yip, and they feast on their prey. You lay awake dreaming “If only I had a BB gun. “
5) A Witch Learns to Twerk
6) Slacker Mom Creates Stoner Pumpkins by Accident
Martha Stewart would sigh at the sight of my crazy glued pumpkins. Time was not on my side to carve the perfect haunted house pumpkin but the magic of a glue gun transformed my pumpkins into potheads. Yes. They sit on my step glorified with their hippy wigs, stoned out eyes, and beards. I swear they were not supposed to look like Cheech and Chong!
7) Up comes the Full Moon with an Unnatural Wind
Never wear a skirt on a windy day. That is all.
8) I Never Threw an Egg
I never threw an egg when I was in Grade 7 at that toad of a boy who was in Grade Nine on one dark Halloween night. In fact, I would never admit to it there is no proof. No proof. Whatsoever. *whistling in the wind*
9) Halloween Punch Hangover
Halloween Punch is a bad idea. A very bad idea. It’s poison!
10) Rob Zombie’s Dragula Possessed My Foot! I swear!
It’s true! The Moment I hear Rob Zombie’s Dragula it takes over my whole foot hitting the pedal to the metal. The music just takes over and I end up going twenty over the speed limit. I can’t be held accountable for it because really my foot is possessed. But please Just keep that between you and me. Thanks!
All I know is all of these posts ran and vanished! They are somewhere out there in WordPress Neverland echoing their lost pages one key tapping next to the other key each day.