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The Halloween Posts that Ran into the Woods

In the past few weeks all of my Halloween posts vanished into the dark woods never to return. As I hollered  to each one “Don’t go in there!  We must stick together! The delete button will get you!”

One by one they ran off vanishing into the night leaving behind the echoing sound of their words!

If you come across any of these posts please tread with caution! God only knows what horrors could be trapped inside each post waiting to be unleashed onto your screen.

1)  The Lingering Smell

What happens when your tween brings home their hockey bag after an intense game? A smell that lingers throughout the whole home. It haunts morning, noon, or night.

I am gagging on the smell as I write this and if you don’t hear from me in another week than you know the smell has gotten me.

2) The Diablo Sauce that was not Hot

It is a secret sauce of an eighty year old lady who swears it is hotter than Hell.   No one has the heart to tell her that on tablespoon of Worcestershire sauce and garlic does not qualify it to be hot sauce. Unless of course you are the devil!

3) The Haunted Blender

My blender will turn on when you least expect it! It waits until you  have gone into a zombie state while washing the dishes and without warning a loud grinding noise startles you taking you back to Children of the Corn. You know there is no escape!  All you can do is walkover with trepidation and quietly unplug it.

4)  The Howling Coyotes

Bright and early before the sun rises the coyotes howl, they yip, and they feast on their prey. You lay awake dreaming “If only I had a BB gun. ”

5)  A Witch Learns to Twerk

Enough Said.

6)  Slacker Mom Creates Stoner Pumpkins by Accident

Martha Stewart would sigh at the sight of my crazy glued pumpkins.  Time was not on my side to carve the perfect haunted house pumpkin but the magic of a glue gun transformed my pumpkins into potheads. Yes. They sit on my step glorified with their hippy wigs, stoned out eyes, and beards. I swear they were not supposed to look like Cheech and Chong!

7) Up comes the Full Moon with an Unnatural Wind

Never wear a skirt on a windy day. That is all.

8) I Never Threw an Egg

I never threw an egg when I was in Grade 7 at that toad of a boy who was in Grade Nine on one dark Halloween night. In fact, I would never admit to it there is no proof.  No proof. Whatsoever. *whistling in the wind*

9)  Halloween Punch Hangover

Halloween Punch is a bad idea. A very bad idea. It’s poison!

10) Rob Zombie’s Dragula Possessed My Foot! I swear!

It’s true! The Moment I hear Rob Zombie’s Dragula it takes over my whole foot hitting the pedal to the metal.  The music  just takes over and I end up going twenty over the speed limit. I can’t be held accountable for it because really my foot is possessed.  But please  Just keep that between you and me. Thanks!

All I know is all of these posts ran and vanished! They are somewhere out there in WordPress Neverland echoing their lost pages one key tapping next to the other key each day.

Categories: Halloween

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Darcie

Darcie Cameron is a RYT 200 who believes Yoga is a gift that is accessible to everyone with proper modifications, a patient smile and just taking the time to breathe. One of the greatest presents you will ever unwrap is when you connect your mind, body and spirit in perfect sync with your own breath. Connect with Darcie on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/darciecameronlovesyoga

25 replies

  1. I’ve seen that movie before. The posts must be blonde and big bosomed. They ALWAYS go into the forest never to return.

    As far as your tweener, sounds like a boy. Just wait until he turns into a full teenager and you see your grocery bill. That is truly a sight that is scary.

  2. That song does the same thing to me. actually ….many songs seem to do that to my foot when it’s on a gas pedal. honest officer – it’s the music!
    Better luck next month with posts that Sit.Stay.

  3. Oh man… that old ladies sauce would kill me… You know how I like the heat – My big mouth or my facial expressions when I took a bite may be responsible for me becoming the devil 🙂

    1. They were a crazy glue masterpiece! Cheech and Chong would be proud 😉

      It’s funny how one person thinks one thing is too spicy and another not enough spice. My Mom is also the very same way. Always so hard to please.

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