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The Horror of Shopping for the One Piece Bathing Suit

If you were to peek into my swimwear drawer you would see an array of colors in bikini and tankini styles for fun in the sun. The one piece that is missing is the dreaded Speedo bathing suit.  It’s not that I have not tried to purchase that perfect one piece but fate has it that all swimwear companies are against me!


I believe there is a swimwear conspiracy were long-waisted curvy women are doomed never to have the leisure of finding that perfect one-piece for their active lifestyle. I say this as I have gotten back into swimming my tankini’s just are meant for more fun in the sun and not swimming laps. Everything moves and I am constantly readjusting my top in the middle or at the end of each lap.

The worst part is there is someone always looking from above at all of us lane swimmers which means I have innocently flashed a lurking bystander watching from above while attempt to do my back stroke.

I dream of a one piece that goes above my chest line! The effort of struggling into the contraption is almost as bad as SPANX except once pulling the bathing suit on I would make Pamela Anderson blush because it barely covers my nipples.

So if Speedo, Nike, TYR, or any other swimwear company is listening I want you to think of me in my plight in finding the perfect one piece bathing suit. It just has to cover my breasts and keep the girls in place for one hour of swimming three times a week. If you create this miracle suit I will forever be in your debt and will an add an extra day of swimming to my routine just for you!

Categories: Humor

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Darcie Cameron is a RYT 200 who believes Yoga is a gift that is accessible to everyone with proper modifications, a patient smile and just taking the time to breathe. One of the greatest presents you will ever unwrap is when you connect your mind, body and spirit in perfect sync with your own breath. Connect with Darcie on Facebook

30 replies

  1. I will have to be careful with my thoughts on this posting as my imagination is already wandering… Yes I can appreciate what you mean, though a beautiful curvy woman is… Well delicious springs to mind 🙂 Have a wonderful evening and good luck finding your perfect swimwear 🙂


  2. Hi there D.
    I nearly always stop by and leave a comment so here goes: my Dad taught me not to say anything unless I had something to say and was sure I had my facts straight. Other than that…

  3. HA! From one fellow long-waisted-curvy-girl to another…. have you tried Title 9? I HATE 1-piece suits for the very reason you write about… everything moves and while I might be the “Accidental Nudist”, I end up just awkwardly flashing innocent bystanders in a 1-piece.

  4. got a chuckle over your words “…and keep the girls in place for one hour of swimming three times a week” 😆 i wonder, do they have custom made bathing suits – may cost a bit more but worth it if works.

      1. there simply must be a local dressmaker who can whip up a bathing suit – if they can sew up those elaborate wedding dresses how difficult is a simple bathing suit…maybe, just maybe your dream suit can happen 🙂

      2. if fabric stores still exist like they used to be when people sewed like crazy, i remember seeing bathing suit fabric. i’m sure on line you can find exactly what you need for fabric. 🙂

  5. When I was in high school, my daily gym class was usually spent swimming. Because of problems with one of my knees, I had problem participating in the other sports. And yes, I did wear a Speedo. Go to the stores that provide the sports clothes for the schools. You’ll find your swimsuit there.

    1. I don’t believe swimming is a requirement in gym classes in this area. The Speedo and I are having a hard time on agreeing about length. They need to think of long-waisted girls in their designs. We want to be sporty too.

  6. I have a very difficult time buying a one piece too – I am tall and I always feel squished

    I also hate swimming in a bikini – I have almost (actually) lost my top more times than I want to admit. Fortunately if I do laps I go to my developments pool really early before anyone else wakes up.

    1. I would love to wake-up and hit the pool. The boys have track so instead of watching them for hour and a half. I take an hour to myself to swim.

      I might start doing early morning swims once the rec centre. up the street reopens. But then it will be cold…

  7. There are a lot of college and recreational competitive swim leagues that feature women and obviously the National team. Surely, there must be something available in that style especially for that style of swimming that features a lot of movement. Though your article is comical, I can imagine how distracting that must be that you are constantly focusing on that instead of your workout. The mental aspect of working out is very important. Do you know anyone that does triathlons? I can imagine those types of bathing suits you described would be utilized there. It seems like you almost need a compression style suit in the same manner compression shorts work for men.

    By the way, you are very beautiful.

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