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Hilary Grossman on Opening Your Heart and Writing

In Hilary Grossman’s  charming  debut memoir Dangled Carat, she opens her heart sharing her story of finding love and the follies that many relationships face on the road to commitment. It is the story of the “not so perfect romance” and one we can all relate too. Hilary, gives an honest look at finding love as she patiently attempts to manage the commitment-phobic man from running out the door.

I had the pleasure to speak with Hilary about her memoir and the valuable insights she has gained from writing about her life.

Hilary, I loved your debut memoir Dangled Carat! It revealed some very personal and intimate details of your life in this novel. Was that hard for you to write? 

hilary grossman

Thanks Darcie!

It was actually easier than I would have thought it would be!  It is funny, but ever since I started blogging, I find it simple to open up and share my deepest thoughts and feelings. I am able to write things that I don’t know if I would be comfortable talking about in person.  In a way writing is therapeutic to me…

That said, there was one part that was very difficult to write….  The sex scene!  In my first draft I never mentioned S-E-X.  My editor told me that a relationship book really needed to have a little sex in it.  I trusted her completely, and knew she was right.  However actually writing that scene took forever.  I literally couldn’t do it.  I stared at my blank screen for hours….. It was so awkward and uncomfortable!

The one thing I noticed throughout the book is that you have a strong connection with your family and friends. Have they taken a sneak peek at your memoir? And if so what are their thoughts?

Yes and no.  When I started writing the book I eagerly gave the first half of the original draft to several of my closest family and friends (including many of my “characters”).  They all gave me valuable advice on additional stories to include or parts of my relationship to elaborate on.  However as the manuscript took more shape, and became a finished product, I kept it very close to my heart, and only gave it to a very select few people to read.  So far everyone has been extremely supportive and seem to enjoy the story a lot….

You have a special bond with your Mother and she seems to be your lighthouse that guides you throughout the storm. What is the best piece of advice she has ever given you?

“Lighthouse that guides you through the storm” I love that, because that is an accurate description.  My mom and I are very close.  We have always been, but after my dad passed away, when I was fourteen, our bond became even stronger.  She has given me so much advice over the years, it is hard to pick out the best….

Before dating “Mr. Commitment-Phobic” I was involved in a turbulent relationship. One day I would be madly in love and the next I would be miserable, crying my eyes out.  My mom would tell me that love shouldn’t feel this way. Love should make you happy, not sad.  She also said if I felt this way during the “good times” what would happen if something really went wrong?  Would he support me or would he just add to my sorrows…

If you were a relationship columnist – what would be your one piece advice for people looking for that special someone?

I hate to sound  cliché but I would tell them not to look too hard, but instead just be very open to meeting new people.  Also, don’t judge a person too quickly. “Mr. Commitment-Phobic” and I had a very unique how you met story, which of course I share in DANGLED CARAT.  I often kick myself that I didn’t have an open mind the first time I could have met him. If I did, I probably would have enjoyed a great year with him (and have missed out on a year of stress and aggregation with the other guy).

The one thing I adore about you is your sense of style and love of shoes. What do you think is the perfect first date shoe?

Hmm… Tough question… I think you need to go with something that makes you feel confident and good about yourself. Normally I am of the opinion that it is better to look good than to feel good, especially when it comes to shoes.  I make one exception to this rule – a first date.  You need to be somewhat comfortable. Not only do you have to be prepared for whatever the night may bring, you also need to be able to make a speedy get away just in case Mr. Maybe turns out to be Mr. Wrong!

Excellent advice, Hilary! I think we can all relate to a speedy get away! Thank you for taking the time to speak with me and I want to congratulate you on the success of your book launch!

Open your heart to Dangled Carat at Amazon!

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Darcie Cameron is a RYT 200 who believes Yoga is a gift that is accessible to everyone with proper modifications, a patient smile and just taking the time to breathe. One of the greatest presents you will ever unwrap is when you connect your mind, body and spirit in perfect sync with your own breath. Connect with Darcie on Facebook

32 replies

  1. I received an email about this book, but haven’t had a spare moment to look at it. Thanks for posting this interview. The author + book sound great. Am headed over to Amazon right now.

      1. Got the book on my favorite Kindle and will read it when I get a free moment. In the meantime, I’m enjoying the weather. Don’t know when I’ve seen such a pretty September. Hoping yours is the same.

      2. Hilary, will be thrilled that you have taken the time in your busy schedule to read her book.

        I can never complain about September it is always lovely. Now October is a very different story…

      3. Ally – thank you so much for downloading! Darcie is right… I am thrilled!!!! September by me has been amazing too. Last Sunday I was actually able to sit on the beach in a bathing suit!

      4. don’t twinge so much… the bathing suit weather only lasted a few hours. Then we had to go inside and close the doors… It has been nice during the day, and then brrrr…

  2. Great Interview – love the advice on just being open to meeting new people! I have been with my other half for 14 years and married for 9 years of those 14 years. We learn new things about each other almost daily and I am so lucky my love and connection to him has deepen over the years too:) Have a Great Day!

    1. It is good to be open to new people in all aspects of our lives because we will never know how that person change or give us a different perspective on life.

      Love is a wonderful thing! Wishing you many more years of adventure!

      1. Darcie – being open is so important. Sometimes you misjudge a person or get hung up on an instance. I had a situation with someone I worked with. I really never liked her after and tried to avoid her as much as possible, thinking that she had an ulterior motive for a lot of her actions. after the storm she went beyond out of her way to help me and I realized that she never intended harm, she only wanted to help. Now we are friends.

      2. You never know sometimes people have the best intentions. It is funny how people can misjudge others and be unwilling to open their eyes to what is right in front of them.

        I am glad that she was there for you and you were able to depend on her after the storm. I truly believe you discover who your true friends are in difficult times.

    2. Craves adventure – thank so much… Isn’t it amazing how as every day passes there is something more to learn about? Sometimes that can be a bad thing 😦 So happy in your case that is the opposite – I love the line “my love and connection to him has deepened over the years” – I raise my coffee cup to another 14 years of more deepening love!

  3. Darcie – it is funny, sometimes it is easier to share your inner most feelings with people you don’t know in real life… (I did write a memoir) but really, I find myself spilling my guts to my blogging buddies all the time. But of all the blogs I wrote, or the emails I sent, I find the ones that are the most personal go to you… So that is what makes this interview even more important to me. I can’t thank you enough for opening your blog to Dangled Carat!

    1. I feel the same way, Hilary! I am honoured to have met such a kindred spirit in this blogging world. Thank you for opening your heart in this interview! I wish you the best and want to congratulate you on reaching the top ten on Amazon! Woot!

      1. darcie – thanks so much! I can’t believe I was in the top 10 for two weeks in the memoir / family and childhood…. crazy!!!

        Love you Darcie!

  4. i enjoyed this interview, Darcie and Hilary. first time to hear of the book and like the wisdom tip – stay open and not put conditions up when meeting people. sounds easy but seems like a natural habit for me. thanks

      1. i agree, Darcie – the preconceived perception when we first meet someone…maybe a defense mechanism built in. some build stronger ones maybe out of necessity. second chances – definitely okay. 🙂 have a wonderful Sunday. ♥

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