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I Have Been Held Hostage by FedEx

It is day two as I sit and wait for a parcel to arrive.

matter of time

The condition is scarce. I have not left the house.

I have not showered.

And I was brazen by taking a chance to bake blueberry muffins. I am hoping the scent of cinnamon and blueberries will lure the FedEx driver to my house and deliver the parcel within a reasonable time.

It was only yesterday I sat and waited, doing laundry, taking care of my to do-list,  only to trace the tracking number on my computer that evening to discover they were at my house at exactly 2pm.

I was in my house at 2pm! I will tell you this! There was no knock or note on the door and there was no ringing of doorbell!

I quietly wait and lurk through the back pages of McSweeney’s.

I am getting nervous , twitchy, and wonder if I leave the comfort of my main floor – will  he appear, sneak on the deck, and run-off again with the package.  I wonder what is this FedEx drivers game?

I contacted their customer service and explained my plight. Her only advice to me was “to leave a note on the door for them to knock or ring the doorbell.” If the FedEx man does not already have the commonsense to do any of that – I wonder is he playing with full deck?

Only time will tell as I sink into the stinky abyss of my stringy hair and day old yoga pants.  I wait as time marches on. I wait for that one hope of  a knock on that door, a friendly smile asking for a signature, and the freedom to go about my day.

Please keep me you in your thoughts my deodorant is beginning to fade and the odor. Oh! The horror of the insidious odor!

Categories: Humor

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Darcie Cameron is a RYT 200 who believes Yoga is a gift that is accessible to everyone with proper modifications, a patient smile and just taking the time to breathe. One of the greatest presents you will ever unwrap is when you connect your mind, body and spirit in perfect sync with your own breath. Connect with Darcie on Facebook

39 replies

  1. Two stories (in condensed form)
    1–so many, many happy memories of ordering “Stuff” from Simpsons-Sears and Eatons and then waiting, waiting and waiting for my treasure. The stuff was generally good but the waiting was probably the best! Canada Post is great.
    2–ARRRGGGGHHHH 22 years ago. Yes, I count. I ordered a very very nice 24-pin Epson dot matrix printer from a mail order outfit. At the time my cost was around $550. Hey–it was a VERY nice one and that was a lot of money then!
    Frigging Canpar (the courier) misplaced the parcel and a shipment that should have taken 7 to 10 days took THE WHOLE BLOODY SUMMER. But wait–what joy when it arrived!!!!!
    BROKEN. 😦
    Back it went and the vendor promised to ship another right away. It did come but, you know what? It was ruined…
    About a year later I got unrestricted access to a couple of lasers and, well, the stupid old Epson is down in the basement…somewhwre. Hasn’t done BRRRATTTTTTT (it sounded roughly like a squad of soldiers firing AK’s) in at least 20 years. Can’t throw it out.
    Never used Canpar again.
    I feel your pain.
    Can I have a bun now?

      1. It was a verrrrrrry long time ago. The printer…. I went looking after the last post & figured I really did chuck it. Too bad… Hardly used. Now I have printers galore in the house but hardly use them at all.

  2. okay, here is the dirt. you gotta get a hold of yourself, Darcie. i mean really. think about it. Fedx driver rings the doorbell. you have two choices when the door opens: one, you kill the driver with your foul odor or two, you kill him with your stunning looks. what will she choose, audience? door 1 or door 2??? ☺

  3. Am hoping that your package has arrived by the time you read this and that you are outside enjoying the day away from your home.

    [Will add that IF you decide to have your kitchen remodeled (as you once mentioned), you will be waiting at home for days & days & days on end. Just a head’s up. It was quite an experience.]

  4. Ah – yet one more advantage to apartment living. If I’m not at home when yon FedEx driver arrives, he simply tucks a little note on the door and takes my parcel to the office. Easy-peasy. Same with UPS. There is the little issue of having to get to the office to pick up the parcel when the office is open, but really – their hours are from 8-6, and 10-4 on weekends. And if you forget to pick it up, they send you a nice note after a week. What’s not to like!

  5. Ha ha! Oh, I’ve missed you my blogger friend! You crack me up! Sorry I’ve been MIA, but it’s been so busy, I haven’t been working on my blog lately. I’m getting back to it now, though! I completely empathize with you about Fedex. One time I was waiting for my wine club shipment, and since they require a signature from someone over 21 years old, I was basically waiting on pins and needles for it for 2 days also. I was afraid to leave or get in the shower too, dare I miss that knock on the door! 😦

  6. and why didn’t he just leave it???

    I love the line “If the FedEx man does not already have the commonsense to do any of that – I wonder is he playing with full deck?”

  7. My Fed Ex package was supposed to be at my house last Thursday, it showed up Monday. I was out of town. It was my poor neighbor looking at my front porch everyday waiting for the package to arrive.

  8. I too have been held hostage by my Fedex man.

    In Brooklyn, you’re lucky if he doesn’t just throw your package in the general vicinity of your brownstone’s front courtyard. And then it ends up on the sidewalk. Or worse, your neighbor’s garbage.

    I can’t tell you how many times my neighbor has brought over mail/packages that ended up in her trashcan. I don’t know what is more disturbing: that they ended up in there, or that she found them.

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