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What Does Your Swimsuit Reveal About You?

As we lounged on the beach sipping our Moijtos an Italian Jennifer Aniston came bouncing out of the water, pulling her lounge chair directly in front of us, and with flair removed her bikini top. My husband’s face began to turn beat red and he shut his eyes tight turning to look the other way.

The expression on his face revealed  he was in an utter panic!

If I look she will make fun of me and write about it in her blog.

If I don’t look she will make fun of me and write about it in her blog.

It really was a no-win situation for him because of course I was going to write about it in my blog!

It was at that moment he let out a heavy sigh and exclaimed, “Would you like to go for a walk?”

In kindness I put down my Jackie Collin, slathered on the sunscreen, and took one last long sip of my Moijto.  On our walk I began to put several things together based on nationality and swim wear.  I could easily surmise the man in the blue thong was French Canadian, and the women in the string bikini was a modest Spaniard. It was on that  journey I created my own classification of Swimsuit styles.

Observations on Swim Suit StylesIn my assumptions I would like to point out that I did have to classify some nationalities together such as The Europeans (French Canadian, French, Italian, and Spanish). As well I would like to clarify not all North Americans are orange, flashy peacocks, but many of us staying at the resort were trying to don that fake tan ( I would also like to point out Canadians are much different from Americans with our own colorful history and are always modest to point out that we did win the War of 1812).

Well, for the Brits, they are always the best to share a drink with but are very shy in their swimwear selection.  My favorite, however, was the Russian Oligarch he sat by the beach everyday in his Daniel Craig shorts surrounded by two  beautiful women and from the looks of things they were not his daughters.

In theory this chart is full of stereotypes and I am positive someone is going to scold me for being off the mark! Perhaps, not all Brits are modest, and maybe there is a shy French Man out there lounging on the beach. Who knows? What I do know is long as there is sunshine, a beach, there will be swimsuits, and everyone will have their own style!

Are you modest Brit? Or a flashy European with your swim suit style?

Categories: Humor

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Darcie Cameron is a RYT 200 who believes Yoga is a gift that is accessible to everyone with proper modifications, a patient smile and just taking the time to breathe. One of the greatest presents you will ever unwrap is when you connect your mind, body and spirit in perfect sync with your own breath. Connect with Darcie on Facebook

40 replies

  1. So funny! Have you seen the new men’s bathing suit style that basically looks like a sock? I’ve had those same kinds of thoughts while out on the beach. People can be pretty funny, whether they know it or not.

  2. I think blanket statements are important. How are we supposed to make any sense of this world without them. And the beach is the last place I want to be confused. Well done. It’s a service you’ve given us!

    Signed, A Proud Peacock

  3. Ha! – loving your post:) I usually hit the middle ground when it comes to a swimsuit and let the freak flag fly with my beautiful snow white skin! Dress at times can tell you about a person, like swimsuits and I catch myself looking at shoes at times too. Have a Great Day!

      1. Belle – I have actually had a gentleman pet me because he was so enamored by my fair skin – a little creepy in a nice way though. I hear you about hiking – just a dirt mess, like Pigpen from the Peanuts – ha!

      2. I would not like a gentlemen petting me but it would be flattering.

        I just got a new pair of wellies and planning on testing them out this weekend. I can’t wait to splash around in the mud.

      3. Have Fun testing out the Wellies!!!

        The best is the nurses who have to draw blood that love your milky skin because they can easily find a vein – cracks me up:)

  4. Swim suit? What is this odd garment of which you speak? As beaches and boating are not part of my life, I no longer even have a suit. Think of the money that I save.

  5. LOL! This post was wonderful!! In truth, I don’t know what the heck I am, I only know that I am a fat woman afraid to show her body. Shoot, I haven’t worn a bathingsuit in YEARS. Oh, but how I dream of having a body that would melt my husband in my arms like the old days. Although, he, too, would flee from a naked woman, afraid of my jealousy. Poor man…never allowed to have any fun. lol!

  6. Right. I am a Brit, and you have exactly described my beach clothing which is almost spooooky. I do wear a full shirt with cuff and collar when I go into the sea, because I dislike putting sun tan cream on. I seem to fit nicely within your definition. Please give my sympathy to your husband for being in such a difficult situation with his wife as witness.

  7. living near the Ontario/Quebec border and hence some beaches…..I most agree that the French Canadians belong with The Europeans. The rest of us are probably somewhere between the Brits and The Americans.

  8. OMG, somebody needed to write this. Thank you, Belle. Really, I think you could expand it though, there’s so much to say about how we chose to strut or not strut our stuff on the beach. Love how when confronted with the unexpected boobs your husband instinctively diverted his gaze, became nearly dissociative (what else could the poor man do but leave his body), and you saved the day by working up a sweet theory on what our swimwear reveals about us. What you described so well here, just may clue us in to the mechanisms that birth all “truth” or the capacity for abstraction, which really is very important, I think; when faced with strange and unexpected breasts, a decent person looks away and his wife begins to think. The various ideas wives come up with while men turn their gaze from the blinding sun (or boobs that do not belong to them) help wives secure that extremely fragile state known as decency. Perhaps this is why voyeurism is so corrosive to the soul. Perhaps the eye needs restraints, hungers for them. To be good and kind, the eye needs a wife.

  9. When I’m at the beach, I’m usually flanked by at least two of my beautiful friends (I know how to pick’em) — I had no idea I was a Russian oligarch 🙂 Da, da, send more vodka!

  10. Loved this! Being half Brazilian and half English I’m a little bit daring in terms of size and bright colours, but I don’t go the whole way and wear a g string. I don’t like the idea of all that sand sticking to my butt on the beach!

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