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Christmas Shopping at Wal-Mart: A Seasonal Hell

As I put up the Christmas lights this weekend in -20 C weather and cursed when I realize I had lost all of my bows which looked lovely against my green garland. I did what any insane person would do on a late Saturday afternoon and wrangled up the kids for a trip to Wal-Mart.

I knew my patience was short and I had one mission to purchase my very large red bows! It was then to escape,  put up the rest of the outdoor decorations, and drink a bottle of wine.

Unfortunately, sheepish browsers blocking the main aisles in every direction were slowing down my master plan!

I did what any other hurried person would do and hit the back alley aisles hoping to make it to the Christmas department without yelling “No! You cannot have…” to either of my children.

It was when we hit the towel section – all hell broke loose!

The bane of my existence two Lovie Dovies lip smacking the middle of the Wal-Mart towel aisle. They were blocking my direct way to the Christmas department and there was nothing I could do except make a very loud cough!

Christmas Shopping Hell

It failed.

They kept smacking.

I coughed louder.

She then swallowed his tongue hole.

I rolled my eyes at my oldest son.

He was mortified and said “Gross!”

They kept lip smacking.

“Excuse ME! EXCUSE ME!”

They seemed to move a little to the side just enough for me to get my cart and my children to  pass without disrupting  their erotic moment in the sexy towel department of Wal-Mart.

The inner child in me looked at both of my sons and the exclaimed” EWWW! Gross!”

We then began to make our way pass them. But something happened. The young man was so enraptured with his tongue being rammed down this woman’s throat – he moved  one step back  as I pushed my shopping cart forward –  jamming the contraption right into the back of his Knees!

He went “Awwww! Ouch!”

I went “Oops! Sorry!”

My oldest  exclaimed “Serves them right for face sucking in such a public place.”

It was with that we made our way to the Christmas department and I picked up my lovely Christmas bows. My children both have been traumatized by this event and vow they will never kiss a girl. Sometimes an early education in the public display of affection is just enough to hold them off on liking girls for just a few more years.

Thank you Face Suckers of Wal-Mart! I think this might be  the best Christmas gift  you can give any Mom of two boys!

How do you feel about public displays of affection? Do you think there is a time and place for it?

Categories: Humor

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Darcie Cameron is a RYT 200 who believes Yoga is a gift that is accessible to everyone with proper modifications, a patient smile and just taking the time to breathe. One of the greatest presents you will ever unwrap is when you connect your mind, body and spirit in perfect sync with your own breath. Connect with Darcie on Facebook

18 replies

  1. very funny I feel embarassed for you. I have been so busy working on finishing a class, I have had little time to shop or decorate or do anything really. I ventured out on Sunday afternoon last weekend to Costco, grocery Store and a liquor superstore. It was during the football game and the stores were empty. Everyone was home watching the game. Best time to shop.

    1. It was one of those awkward moments that I never want to experience, again. Sometimes I sneak-out early in the morning to shop and it is quiet. It’s the best time when their is no people and I can just stick to my list without being mortified by lip smackers.

  2. I have no problem with a kiss here or there but when people start full on making on, that’s when I get uncomfortable. There’s no need for it!

  3. For every moment I go WTH are these people thinking and my children are exposed to it I thank God also for the opportunity to speak with my children and teach them better ways, such as face sucking in pubic is GROSS! 🙂

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