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The Attack of the Fat Sucker

As I leisurely strolled down the Costco aisle I discovered Maiden Form Fat Free Dressing Tank Top for the low price of 19.99!  I was immediately hooked and grabbed a medium!   It the cheaper version of Spanx with the promise of hiding my muffin tops that appealed to my vanity.

The next morning I decided it was time to breakout this wonderful new purchase and try it on to see if it really was fat free!

I slid it over my shoulders with ease but somehow it got tangled just before hitting my well endowed chest.

It was stuck!

I stood there trying to wiggle my arms out and fell over on top of the bed. It felt as if this fat sucker was strangling me! I couldn’t breathe and had to get it off!

In the midst of my panic “Scissors! Where are the scissors?”

I couldn’t find them!

I wondered was I doomed to be in the Newspapers the next morning “Woman strangled by Fat Sucker!”

Oh! The humility!

I calmed myself took a deep breath and tried to wiggle out again. I wiggled, hummed, hawed, stretched, jumped, and rolled!

It was amen to the heavens above! I somehow managed to break free from the fat suckers clutches!

I then held the evil contraption in my hand and looked down at the size!

“God damn it! I bought a small!”

The moral of the story is if your vanity feels the call of the fat sucker make sure to buy the right size or it could have you in its horrible clutches of doom.

Have you ever been attacked by an article of clothing?

Categories: Humor

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Darcie Cameron is a RYT 200 who believes Yoga is a gift that is accessible to everyone with proper modifications, a patient smile and just taking the time to breathe. One of the greatest presents you will ever unwrap is when you connect your mind, body and spirit in perfect sync with your own breath. Connect with Darcie on Facebook

29 replies

  1. I have bursitis in my shoulder so anything going over my head is asking for trouble. I just don’t have the strength to pull snug things off me over my head.

    I have gotten stuck half in and half out of a sports tank w/built in bra. My husband was NO help as he was rolling around on the bed laughing his head off while I was hollerin’ “Help! Help! I’m stuck!”.

  2. may be hard to believe but i got stuck in an ordinary blue tank top, i’m not sure how but i’m guessing its cause of my double d chest. it got tangled and my roommate had to cut it with a knife cause we couldn’t find the scissors.

  3. I once had a near death experience with a wet bathing suit. I think these are all signs that we need to just get rid of All.The.Clothes….and enjoy our natural state. Who’s first?

  4. Allowing for the demands imposed by modesty, this would have made an excellent You-tube moment. I was chuckling away as I read it. My only succesful dieting tip is to avoid mirrors. It works for me anyway

    1. Oh my goodness! The horror of You Tube! The Horror!

      I love your tip! I think I might just have to do the same to get through the day and indulge in a slice of chocolate brownie cheesecake. It’s calling my name!

  5. In school, some friends and I were practising for our drama exams and had decided to dress in black. One girl found a black dress in the cupboard and, like you, pullef it on over her head without checking the size. Once on it felt a bit tight but she ignored it. When taking it off, she pulled the dress up over her head, arms in the air. And stopped. It was stuck there. Inside out, covering her from shoulders to elbows, arms up, head covered. I’ve probably never laughed so much in my life! As she squirmed and pulled, we all heard a loud ripping sound and stopped. She tugged again. Another rip. In a fit of panic, she pulled the thing off and flung it back in the drama cupboard and no-one mentioned it again. Goodness knows what the next person who needed a black dress thought!

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