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One Hairy Ape and a Hot Tub

On our last trip the kids wanted to take full advantage of the water slides at the hotel  after a long day of skiing. My husband was already nestled by the fire napping and the children had that pleading look in their eye – I wearily agreed to go. 

I looked at the quiet  hot tube next to the slide and it was calling my name in romantic whispers. It was exactly what I needed to soak my tired muscles and watch the kids jet down the slide.

It was just my luck to have my personal space  invaded very quickly by a hairy ape-man modeling a very tight mankini.

I moved a little further away from him as he was hogging my personal space, he moved a little closer to me, I moved a little further to the side, and he moved a little further to the side.

I rolled my eyes, and with that I felt his  furry leg brush up against me.

I let out a very loud impatient sigh and moved a little further away.

He moved closer to me and again I felt his  furry leg brush up against me!

It was with that I shot out of the tub and exclaimed “Good Grief!”

He grunted!

It was at that moment I realized someone failed to teach this ape the importance of hot tub etiquette! In the wise words of Patrick Swayze “This my dance space. This is your dance space.”  The same thing applies for the hot tub!

Have you ever had any hot tub experiences from hell?

Categories: Hot Tub Experinces from Hell Lecherous Creep Mankini Yeti

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Darcie

Darcie Cameron is a RYT 200 who believes Yoga is a gift that is accessible to everyone with proper modifications, a patient smile and just taking the time to breathe. One of the greatest presents you will ever unwrap is when you connect your mind, body and spirit in perfect sync with your own breath. Connect with Darcie on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/darciecameronlovesyoga

65 replies

  1. Ick. Sounds awful. I don’t like hot tubs to begin with, so I rarely go in one. This has cut down on my odds of the likelihood of such an encounter. And now your story has given me one more reason to think my avoidance of hot tubs makes sense. Just ick.

    1. Total ick! I don’t usually go in them either but my muscles were sore and I didn’t feel like running up all those steps for a minute on the water slide. It is another reason to stay away from the hot tub.

      It should have had a sign that said “Beware of Hairy Ape Man! Enter at Your Own Risk!”

    1. Eeewww! I don’t even want to think about that! Who knows what runs through an apes mind…I think an anthropological study is in order and then figure out if we can retrain them to adapt to civilized society!

  2. I love the photo, too. Why are mankinis always red? That dude was getting fresh with you, Lady Belle! You were a good girl and didn’t drown him, although I would have testified in court about your excellent character. 🙂

  3. ONE WORD – EWWWW!!! Someone could not take a hint about invading your personal space – idjit! I have had plenty of encounters with drunk men in hot tubs with no connection to them what so ever – YIKES! Thanks for sharing and now I need a cleansing – ha!

  4. You must have encountered the ‘low land broken mirror gorilla’, scientific name -Gorilla gorilla gorilla hairyerrectus. I suspect this rogue suffered from high altitude alcohol induced mountain sickness attributed to a day on the slopes and too long at the bar. Thank god, you were able to back away and survive the ordeal to write about it.

  5. hairy men should not be allowed in a hot tub. i have to admit your post reminded me of a most embarassing moment of my own.

    i was enjoying the heat of the water and i stretched my leg out some – only to have my foot land on top of the hairless foot of the balding fat guy who was sitting near me – ack!

  6. Oh. My mouth is open. My jaw is dropped. I have a mixture of disbelief, shock and disgust. I was expecting some funny story where it really was a gorilla in the hot tub (though I recognize that that would have been a little unbelievable).

    Wow. For real. Ewwwwwww. Do you really think he was clueless?

    I once made out in a hot tub with my boyfriend back when I was a young teenager and then a father and his daughter joined us. I was mortified and learned my lesson about public spaces (we weren’t doing anything really bad) and helping them feel public.

    1. I would much prefer to spend time with an actual gorilla in a hot tub! Now that would make for an interesting story 🙂

      I suspect he was heavily intoxicated and Russian 😉 I think Sara Palin might have saw him lurking over in Russia! Kidding! I just had to make an Alaskan Palin joke – it’s been a while…;)

      LOL! We learn quickly the importance of public spaces at an early age. I think we have all been through something similar once upon a time.

  7. maybe he was trying his hairy-ape-man mating tactics on you. You did go to the hot tub alone, after all!
    I had the awkwardness of creepy old guy trying to flirt with me in a sauna once. What part of, “gee, you’re older than my grandpa” says, “oooh, you’re so close, just keep going!”?

    1. LOL! I think he was highly intoxicated – I think his beer goggles had mistaken me for somebody else 😉

      Eww! I would hate to be approached in the sauna! That is just as bad…I guess old fellas have got to try every now and then! I think it is true when they say – you can’t teach an old dog new tricks 😉

  8. Classic… you should have given him a treat as motivation to stay away! Like the stubborn donkey in one of your past stories, next time be sure to have a banana on hand in cases of ape emergencies. 😉

  9. I would have high-tailed it out of there so fast. One of hubby’s friends jumped in the bath tub naked at my parents neighbors house during a party!!! Let’s just say he still hasn’t lived that one down!!!

  10. Unwanted attention from males? Where do I start?! Some of them seem to think that a woman alone is asking for it. Others think that because you give them (and everybody else) a polite smile upon entering a room, that you are smitten by their (in their own eyes) evident attractions. I’ve had male human paws, in public, on parts of my anatomy which I consider to be extremely private. I always think afterwards of what I should have done or said, but I was usually always frozen with horror, before making a dash for it. I was raised in a family where females were always escorted by a male whenever they went out. I have since learned why!

  11. What a creeper! Perhaps you should start packing a role of duct tape for your travels. When you sit in the hot tub, keep it handy to tell any future hairy apes that you are aspiring toward a career in waxing and that you are looking for volunteers…and that you won’t take no for an answer…RIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPP

    1. Melissa that is the best idea ever! Why I didn’t I think of that before! I’m taking one roll of duct tape with me on my next ski trip.

      However, it might have other problems like an outdoor heated pool at below zero. The kids are stoked me not so much…

  12. That’s just nasty! Not only did your eyes have to endure pain but you had to leave because of this gorilla’s nastiness! Perhaps it was a blessing because by the sound of it, who would want to share space with a rude gorilla anyway. 🙂

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