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It’s Spewing Leeks!

[Paprika Furstenburg of Good Humored dashes up her blog with a good dose of  wit! She has made me chuckle going where no woman has gone before in the bathroom. Also  a known fact all walks of life find her very attractive especially  mosquitoes and a wide variety of bugs. She asks “What is the most disastrous meal you have ever cooked?”]

A sleep deprived mother with a husband travelling on the road is a lot to muster with a two-year old and infant in the cold winter months. It was one evening I was excited to have him return home to our little love nest. As the two-year old napped and the littlest happily rocked in the swing. I attempted my husbands favorite Cream of Leek Soup with Parmesan Potato Dumplings.It was one my culinary masterpieces that I loved to create on a cold day. 

It was in the afternoon as my two-year old  napped I sleepily chopped the vegetables and boiled them to perfection. It just at the right moment as I was about to puree my creation my little darling awoke from his nap. I got him settled with his toys.  I  then went back into my zombie state thinking I should have had the nap instead of making the dreaded soup.

But what is a girl to do? It was time to puree the leeks! I went to place them in the blender, placing the top just so, pressing the button on high, and that is when all hell broke loose! The devil had possessed my blender!

The top exploded off the blender with gusto!  Chunks of leek  hit the ceiling, the stove, the curtains, covering me, and the children. The blender had taken on a force within itself and was shredding its wrath across my sparkling kitchen.

I felt utterly defeated against this possessed demon and did what any reasonable women would do…I pulled the plug, sat on the floor,  and wailed my little heart out. It was the tearful wail that takes over your whole soul and alerts  the dead to run from your tracks.  I was blinded with tears! I attempted to contain the  snot from running on the floor by wiping my nose with a shirt sleeve covered in leek guts.  The fight against the demon blender and willful leeks had taken the last of my energy!

It was at that moment my husband arrived home early from work to discover the leek massacres  of 2003.  It was to his horror to see one woman covered in gunk tears running down her face sobbing on the kitchen floor, one child running amok dragging the chunks with him as he went, and one little baby patiently waiting for someone to clean – up the mess.

The only thing  of comfort my husband could  say was “Honey, lets open some wine and order a pizza!”

What is one of your worst cooking disasters? Did you ever attempt to make it again?

Categories: cooking disasters creative writing fun fun funny funny Humor It's spewing leeks leek soup leeks Life motherhood one question parenting writing prompts

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Darcie Cameron is a RYT 200 who believes Yoga is a gift that is accessible to everyone with proper modifications, a patient smile and just taking the time to breathe. One of the greatest presents you will ever unwrap is when you connect your mind, body and spirit in perfect sync with your own breath. Connect with Darcie on Facebook

28 replies

  1. LOL! That sounds like the perfect hubby response to me. He gets +20 points for that.

    One of my worst disasters was an attempt at a pork roast that just…well, didn’t roast right. Attempted disposal of it. Also didn’t work, and disposal had to be cleaned out.

    I stick with chicken now-a-days.

  2. Thanks for the shout out. Wow! It sounded like it had the potential to be delicious and then it all went so wrong.

    The worst thing I ever made was a pie made with a layer of sweetened cream cheese and a layer of strawberry jello. I was a newlywed; young and unwise to the ways of the kitchen and this pie fit my skill level. As if the pie filling wasn’t awful enough, what really launched the pie into the disgusting category was the crust made of crushed, salted pretzels mixed with butter and sugar. We took one bite, tossed the pie and burned the recipe. We still laugh about 16 years later.

  3. I baked an apple pie for my husband the first night we were in our new apartment after just getting married. I didn’t put a sheet pan under it, and of course, when I went to take it out, it folded in on itself and poured all over my oven. I’m sure there is still pie in that oven, six years later and two houses ago.

  4. Oh, NO! Oh, honey, it’s funny and so relatable! I was puréeing blueberries for some Deceptively Delicious or Sneaky Chef type creation for my daughter and, well…. Anyway, I can relate is all I’m sayin’. Thanks for sharing this one!

  5. My family was large and all of us cooked. When I married and tried to cook for two – I blew the food budget for three weeks! The landlord ‘inspected’ our apartment while we were at work, and left a note for me to clean out ‘his’ refrigerator before I broke it!

  6. Love your story about the soup. My worst cooking mess was when I tried to cook rice in the pressure cooker for the first time. I put it on the stove and then received a phone call from my husband to come to our business just a half-mile away. I forgot about the pressure cooker on the stove and came home an hour later with burned rice in the pressure cooker and the cover blown off the top with starchy sticky mess everywhere. I’m lucky the stove didn’t start on fire with the mess and OH the smell!!!Yuck!

  7. Oh my god… This is too funny… When I started reading, I thought of my biggest cooking disaster… then as I read further.. you have to read mine… we are cooking twins! just swap leaks with butternut squash and we have practically the same story</a

  8. Well you’ve already read about my coffee cake fiasco. All I can say is “Hats off” to your husband for reacting so well to the sight that greeted him. I dread to think what the mess was like but these things happen to the best chefs.

  9. When I was a teenager, we used to make popcorn in an electric dutch oven – one time I started up a batch and came back into the kitchen to find it snowing popcorn – I had neglected to put the lid on. Another popcorn-related kitchen mess happened when I was baby-sitting – I put some butter on the stovetop to melt went to help the kids get ready for bed and promptly forgot about the butter till one of the girls started yelling – “Fire! A really big fire!” (It was easily quenched, but the pan was probably ruined)

    Yours sounds like a much bigger mess – but I would like the recipe – I’ll just make sure my blender is under control.

  10. My disaster is attempting to cook, period.

    My godmother once cooked homemade beans in a pressure cooker, and failed to bleed the pressure before opening. I always loved the story of how there were beans on the walls, the ceiling, in shoes…

  11. The new layout you have for your blog is great! Very clean and slick! And when I think of a cooking disaster story, I think of my grandma. She put hot pepper into the cookie dough mix for snickerdoodles instead of cinammon!! It was horrible and burned my brother Sean’s tongue! My other brother Andrew once put a tablespoon of salt in instead of a teaspoon I believe, and that was quite disgusting as well! Haha!

  12. Stuffed Bell Peppers! I used too much rice. They were HORRIBLE. I was a new bride and used to eating cheeze and ritz crackers and suddenly had to cook a nightly meal. My husband, still alive after eating those things, ate one every night for four nights without complaining until the fifth night when he confessed he couldn’t take one more. He offered to buy me diamond earrings if I would please never ask him to eat another stuffed pepper…

  13. Great idea for a blog post! I’m wracking my brain trying to think of my worst cooking disaster…

    I do remember a similar blender incident happening to me once. Little specks of tomato sauce dotted the kitchen ceiling for years afterward, evidence of that mishap.

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