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My Saggy Bits List

I know I need to eat healthy, workout, and live a balanced life. Maybe it’s the change in the moon because I feel like Howling every time I read “You Know Your Ready When to Lose Weight”  or “How to Drop Ten Pounds in a Month.” I mean really do I need to look at another air brushed super model.

So my muffin tops and I made our own list in retaliation of this healthy feel good wellness business! It’s called My Saggy Bits List….

1) I did purchase a cheap cotton shirt and yes it did shrink in the dryer! My muffin top has not expanded!

2) I do not like Green Smoothies. No matter how you spin it. I do not love them. I would much rather eat salad for breakfast!

3) Spanx was created for muffin tops.  Enjoy it’s sausage encasing glory and strut those skinny jeans!

4) LuluLemon only has sales for size 2’s! And it’s annoying! Why does size 2 always get all the glory and the savings?

5) My thighs rub together! Isn’t that suppose to be normal?

6) One cookie a day keeps me happy.

7) Water! Water with lemon! Water with berry infused flavors!  Sometimes I just want a frickin coke!

8) I  have a fear if I keep digesting the chia seed my bowel movements may morph  into a chia pet.

9) A jelly doughnut is heaven on a cloudy and cold wet day.

10) My latest running catastrophe involved tripping over a tree root  and having some one on one intimate attention with the dirty ground. Where is the fitness glory in that tale? Sometime it’s best just to stay home and watch the View.

Now that I have vented, hammered my scale, I’m beginning to feel much better. I think I will go eat my celery stick with goat cheese.  It tastes so much better than the salty scrumptious goodness of chips.

Is there anything you would like to add to the list? I don’t want to be the only one that vents….

Categories: fitness fun funny health Humor Life lululemon musings my life personal weight loss

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Darcie Cameron is a RYT 200 who believes Yoga is a gift that is accessible to everyone with proper modifications, a patient smile and just taking the time to breathe. One of the greatest presents you will ever unwrap is when you connect your mind, body and spirit in perfect sync with your own breath. Connect with Darcie on Facebook

28 replies

  1. I love your list and would like to add just twomore points:

    1. Can I get a cute, reasonably priced, bra or bath suit top to keep the girls up, please? Seriously! I feel like I’m being punished for not being a size 2.

    2. The people who have loved me love the curves of the chest and the butt/hips. I don’t care how many times you (Cosmo, Glamour, Mom…) try to tell me they won’t love me or those body parts of mine!

    1. I love your additions! It’s all very true! Seriously, hundred bucks for the right size bikini top for the girls is unreal! A little piece of fabric to hold my girls up – they make a fortune! Why are we always the ones getting punished! And don’t even get me started with those magazines….

  2. If people eat more of what makes them happy they won’t need to create a bucket list to over-compensate for not being happy. Besides, eating a bag of Cheetos is a much more attainable goal leaving one with a feeling of accomplishment (and maybe a wee bit of self-loathing.)

  3. Can we talk about boobs? And stretch marks? I have far less boobs and far more stretch marks than I anticipated before this whole breeding thing.
    Also, green smoothies are gross. I could never in my life stop at one cookie, and I don’t even try. On a good day, I stop at one row. And CocaCola is THE perfect sport drink – sugar, sodium, caffeine and magical mucous-clearing properties. Seriously, ultra-marathon runners and death-racers swear by it!
    Great post!

    1. Chuckles! We can talk about anything you like 🙂

      Don’t even get me started on the stretch marks! I blame the breeding curse on my back fat! After the second it never returned to it’s previous glory…However, I hate magazines that show the eighty pound celebrity after a month of giving birth. It’s irritating, they always lie about exercise and diet. I’m on to them….

      If ultra-marathon runners swear by – I’m cracking a can open and savoring every sip 😉

  4. Well, I had a breakfast of champion’s today… A bag of cheetos….

    Here is a question… if wine is so good for your heart & all, why is it full of calories?

  5. I feel for you. When I unwisely stumble in front of a mirror I get the impression I am not in the best of shapes and swear to eat less goodies. In the main I try and avoid mirrors. They may well tell me I am not the fairest of them all

  6. Size 2 – not since I was a fetus.

    I told my sweetie that the only plastic surgery I wanted for my saggy bits after my planned massive weight loss was a breast reduction – then I got breast cancer and my insurance company got to pay for it. Moral of the story, be careful what you wish for. (Hey, I have 99.99% likelihood of cure, so you can laugh.)

    1. I love your positive outlook and humor on life! It seems like you have been through so much! I will take your advice and be very careful of what I wish for…I’m closing my eyes and wishing for a beach house!

  7. As a skinny little bag o’ bones, can I add my two pennies? I want curves! I want boobs and hips and a bum! I want people to be able to tell I’m still there if I turn sideways!

    Wouldn’t it be great if we were all just happy with the bodies we have? 😛

    Oh and I have a solution to your number 10… get a cross-trainer and stick it in front of the telly, then you can do your fitness routine without having to miss the View! 😉

    1. Chuckles! I bet you look fabulous 🙂 Curves are very hard to dress and they retaliate without a moments notice…Wouldn’t it be great if we could love everything about us 🙂

      I wouldn’t mind a rowing machine! Perhaps when I win the lotto I will have my very own workout room with TV! There would be no excuse not to have pipes 😉

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