The eternal high-waisted beige underwear that our aging mother’s love to wear with enjoyment, and hang on the clothesline with pride. It’s almost as if saying, “Look at me ole boys! I’m frisky in beige! Dive right in!” Unfortunately, no matter how much my mother protests that they are the most comfortable thing she has ever owned (without the exception of crocs) she would never part with her dear friend Ms. Beige.
Ms. Beige has been around for as long as I remember! These wedgie apparatuses are a pleasant reminder of butt picks and panty-lines. Every time, I find myself in the Sears Underwear department with my mother. We have this conversation:
”Mom why do you buy those things?”
“They fit me just right.”
“But wouldn’t Jim from next door prefer to see you in this.”
As I hold up a nice vivacious red bikini cut.
“Would you stop? You are embarrassing me!”
“How could I embarrass you? All I’m simply doing is holding a red thong. Thinking it might be more appropriate for the obvious.”
“What is the obvious?”
“Mom, do you really want me to answer this?”
“You don’t have to wear them. I know but I still have to watch you purchase them.”
“What are you the panty police?”
“As a matter of fact…Yes! And I forbid you to wear them.”
“I dare you to buy these nice silky red ones?”
“Fine! Can’t you least buy Ms. Beige in a different colour?”
“What’s wrong with beige?”
“Are you planning on ever having sex again?”
“That’s it I have had enough.” My mother than storms off to pay for the wedgie device.
I yell back, “Well, can you buy me these? Because I’m not wearing any at the present moment and I’m getting a little chaff from my jeans.”
My mother’s face turns beat red, “Have you no shame?”
“It’s not my fault you raised me!”
At this point my mom storms out of the store. And leaves me stranded at the mall. You think she would learn by now never to take me underwear shopping. History can be a bitch and sometimes it does really repeat itself. Especially when granny panty shopping with your mother.
Categories: family, mothers, siblings, children, life
Darcie Cameron is a RYT 200 who believes Yoga is a gift that is accessible to everyone with proper modifications, a patient smile and just taking the time to breathe. One of the greatest presents you will ever unwrap is when you connect your mind, body and spirit in perfect sync with your own breath. Connect with Darcie on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/darciecameronlovesyoga