Guest Blogging at Dangled Carat

Coming Soon!

Coming Soon!

I am guest blogging at Dangled Carat a new space developed by my good friend Hilary Grossman. It is a great place to grab your coffee and read fellow bloggers experiences on Love, Dating,  and Relationships.  I hope you enjoy my post The Wedding Dress  it is a reminder that sometimes the baby carriage comes before the marriage.

Also, be on the lookout for Hilary’s upcoming memoir Dangled Carat  which is one girl’s attempt to convert the ultimate commitment-phobic man into a doting husband with lots of help from family and friends.  It is the perfect summer treat!

Reflections of Gratitude

Wilma our new travel trailer has become my first love and has finally rescued me from the drudgery of tenting. I no longer have to lug fifteen million things, over pack for unpredictable weather, and  I am rescued from blowing up the air mattress every waking hour of the night. My life has become camping heaven on wheels!

kelly's bathtub, William A Switzer Provincial Park

We vowed that we would make use of the trailer every other weekend exploring new parks and places outside the city.  This first month on the open road has been a wonderful journey and spending quiet time with my family has been the icing on the cake.The computers are put away, most places we visit have no cell  phone service,  and we spend all of our time outside.

I am grateful for these special  bonding moments and look forward to more adventures with us and Wilma in the future. She has opened a new window for our family and easy way to recharge from the hustle of the city.

I also love the moments where I can break away from the camping pack to recharge my batteries and reflect in the beauty of nature.It is at that moments I realize how truly thankful I am for all of the good things in my life.

How do you take time to reflect on the beauty in your life?

The Thirty Dollar Pie

As we drove to West Glacier National Park we happened to pass a small place called The Huckleberry Pie Patch which held the promise of really great pie!  After a day visiting MacDonald Lake, taking a stroll up the Avalanche trail, and admiring the water run off from the mountains.  My appetite was very large from all of the fresh mountain air and as we left the park I exclaimed “We just have to stop at that pie place! I never had huckleberry pie!”

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My husband “Sure! It will be great for dessert!”

We  stopped in at the Patch to pick up the pie and never thought to question the price.

The clerk looked at us “Thirty dollars. Please.”

My husband of Scotsmen ancestry looked a little pale as he forked over the cash knowing he could not walk away from a good pie or face the wrath of his ravenous wife.

As we stepped out the door he looked at me with his empty wallet he grumbled ” This better be good pie.”

I smiled with beaming optimism! I knew I had found a gem ”It feels pretty heavy and it smells good.”

We made it back to the camper and started cooking dinner for the evening.

The pie sat there looking at us waiting to be eaten.

I  poured a glass of wine and thought “What the heck?”

And cut a very large slice of Huckleberry pie before supper. It was good. Really good.

SO good that I had to have another slice after supper. The next morning for breakfast and an afternoon snack the following day.

It was after several days of huckleberry pie I came to the decision that you cannot really put a price on good pie! Thirty dollars be damned it was worth every penny!

What is the most you ever spent on a pastry? Was it worth it?

The Long Drive

As we loaded up the truck and headed down south to Montana we decided the best route would be to go through Waterton National Park. The views were known to be breath-taking and once we crossed the border we would not be that far from Whitefish.

We turned off the GPS because Maggie insisted on sending us in the wrong direction as we drove down along the way admiring the windmills, the views of the open plains, while my husband attempted  to steer  our trailer from blowing off the side of the road.

Once we reached Waterton we headed down a narrow road and on the sign pointing to the US Border in big orange letters was written “CLOSED.”

“Ugh. I can’t believe it.”

My husband was annoyed because there was nowhere to turn but to keep t driving up the mountain to the closed US Border.

It eventually led us to this lookout where we could seep in the full view of Waterton National Park.

view from the closed us border

We then turned our trailer around  at the look-out and plugged in the GPS to the next border opening. It was only an hour away. We both sighed with relief!  I advised  this time we should stop to ask someone if that border would be opened.

We drove into the nearest campground and the man advised us “Yup. It is open. But remember if you go pass Duck Lake and drive into St. Mary’s you have gone too far.”

I had no idea what he was talking about and we just nodded on our way.  As we went across the US border and drove past the turn-off to Duck Lake I looked at my husband “Didn’t that man tell us to go that way?”

It was by this time we had our map and GPS telling us to go in a different direction towards St. Mary’s and we turned to enter the Sun Road there was a sign “Road Closed.”

“You have got to be kidding me!”

My husband looked at me exhausted and defeated, “What do we do now?”

The place looked like a ghost town as the tumbleweed blew across the roadway “I think that store is open.”

We wandered in and asked the store clerk “We are going to Whitefish and the road is closed. Is there another way to get there?”

The cashier clerk was friendly, “Just stay on this road and turn right once you reach Browning.”

My husband and I were ecstatic that there was another way to reach our final destination without too much of a detour. It was until we started driving

I remembered the warning of the man of the campground “If you go past St. Mary’s you have gone too far.”

It was too late as we tried to keep the travel trailer on the windy, narrow road, that every curb and bend had a cliff drop-off that was vomit-inducing. We crawled along the road as I held onto the holy shit handle of the truck. I had a brief moment were my life flashed before my eyes and restrained hollering out to my family “I love you guys! You mean the world to me!”

I looked at the signs of the road warning of sharp turns, traffic fatalities, and speed limit reductions full of bullet holes. I began to wonder where the hell we were going! My only hope was we were finally going in the right direction.

Only brave enough to let go once of the rail to take this picture because the hazardous views were breath-taking.

mild of no where montana

It was not until we reached the open road from Browning did I let go of the truck rail and began to breathe a sigh of relief. I learned an important lesson that day if a fellow traveler gives you a warning take heed, clarify their cryptic message  because they are telling you this for a reason. Sometimes a road map or GPS is not enough to warn you of the bumpy and narrow roads that are waiting for you.

Do you take advice from fellow travelers? Or, do you stick to your trusted road map and GPS?

In Defense of Hair Metal

Over a week ago I was destined to see Motley Crue take the stage.  But life happens and I sighed in defeat knowing that I would never get the chance to catch Tommy Lee’s drum sticks  in the air at the end of the show.

shout-at-the-devil

As a kid caught at the end of the Gen-X curb I was brought up in two worlds the first was my early teens in tight jeans singing out loud to the sounds  of hair metal. Only a few later years  I had evolved  into grunge  with my Walkman volume on high looking very angry all of the time.

I am now that parent in the car complaining to her kids that they just don’t make music like they use too.

As the sun was shining on Sunday afternoon I pulled out May’s edition of the Atlantic,  curled up on the patio chair, and went straight to James Parker’s article “Bad Hair Days.” It was about the rise and fall of hair metal. I cringed and agreed as he made his long list of complaints about the decadence and excessiveness of hair metal. He points outs “…hair metal was inherently forgettable – perhaps the most forgettable music ever.”

This is the part where I disagree with Mr. Parker  as I have not forgotten the big hair, the make-up, and when Dr. Feelgood comes on the radio I hit my pedal to the metal. I still sing Talk Dirty to Me and I embarrass my kids when I start to sing We’re Not Going to Take It with their friends in the car (the perfect anthem for a really bad day).

The purpose for Hair Metal was to have a good time and perhaps it is not for the pretentious at heart.

You know that one music friend.

“Did you hear the new Lumineers album?”

“Yes, I heard it a while ago.”

“Isn’t it great?”

“Well. It was. But now it is just over-commercialized.”

If we have learned anything popular music has an end date and  moves onto the next newest thing. It keeps Mr. Pretentious Music happily on his toes so he can admit to be the first to listen to it.

“You know before it was big.”

As Mr. Parker put down hair metal with gusto “There art was flashy and disposable – and is has been disposed of.” He forgets that millions of people still listen to these catchy tunes because sometimes they do not want to wallow in the depths of despair to the recent sounds on the radio or the anger of grunge.  Sometimes people just want to have a good time and that will never be a disposable art but a fact of life.

 Do you still listen to hair metal from time to time?

The Big Wedding

I went to The Big Wedding with high expectations when reading the names of  a stellar cast such as Robert De Niro,  Robin Williams, Susan Sarandon, and Diane Keaton.  The problem is I set my expectations too high believing the  movie  would capture  the same beauty of the human spirit like  My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

the big wedding 2

 My Big Fat Greek Wedding had the universal appeal of falling in love and what happens when two different worlds collide whilst organizing a wedding. In comparison The BiWedding, was trying to hard to put a spin on the modern family.  I believe this movie attempted to do too much with very little time and a poor script.

As the story twists and turns with family secrets being revealed it adds the humor to what happens when everything goes wrong. I confess there were many moments where I laughed out loud. However, I left looking for more in a movie and it seemed to lack the spirit of  appreciating the quirks of life.

I would recommend The Big Wedding to anyone who wants to rent a movie on a rainy Saturday sharing it with a bottle of wine and friends.  But save your popcorn money for the blockbuster hits coming out this summer. I already hear Iron Man 3 calling my name!

What Blockbuster movies are you looking forward to seeing this summer?

Road Trips and Mapping Your Destinations

Ernest Hemingway once quoted “Never go on trips with anyone you do not love.” Road trips can be a test of love but they can also be filled with wonderful adventures.I remember as a kid sitting in the back seat as my Mother would read the map “Norm, you are going to miss the exit!”

MAPS

“What!?”

“The exit you need to take that exit!”

” You could have told me sooner.”

“You weren’t listening!”

I learned from those road trips that no good ever comes from driving two hours more to reach your final destination. My parents would then pull over to the side of road while my Mother tried to prove to my Father that she was correctly reading the map.

The only words you heard at the end of that argument were”I told you so.”

All of this occurred long before the arrival of the GPS with the  voice of Margaret Thatcher  sending us on course in the right direction. Maggie is what I refer to our GPS because she has a no-nonsense approach to forcing us to travel from point a to point b without going down the wrong road.

We are in the process of planning our first camping trip of the season with ten days on the open road. I look at the Google maps as I try to plot our course of action. But it lacks the same charm as a big open map sprawling across the kitchen table. I feel like a traitor to the old world maps as I plan our next adventure.

I also know as much as I howl about the map becoming a relic filled with romantic charm that we now frame to our walls with distant memories of the olden days.  The one thing I cannot complain about is that Maggie will guide us to our final destination without arguments and the occasional huff.  She will be our robotic companion to the open road in which we can spend more time with the ones we love conversing about the little things, admiring the views, and no one will be uttering the words “I told you so.”

Do you still plan your road trips with an old-fashioned map? Or do you rely on your GPS?

Assholes: A Theory

Many years ago I  worked in a Mediterranean  blue fish bowl of chaos in which everyone ran around in circles while the temperamental cook screamed out orders making Gordon Ramsey look like a kitten. It was one busy evening I made the simple mistake of  taking the garlic bread to the wrong  table.

assholes

I heard “Darcia!”

I went to the kitchen “Where is the bread?”

“I took it to the table.”

“Go back and F*%^king get it!  It is not supposed to be for that table!”

He then slammed down a plate and yelled several names at me in Greek which will not be repeated on this blog.

My cheeks turned red, I turned on my heels, stomped out of the kitchen, and without a word picked up the bread from the customer’s table.

I stormed to the kitchen window “You want the fucking bread? Here is the god damn bread. You big fat asshole!”

It was that evening as we finished our tables I waited to be chewed-out and fired  hoping that I could still collect my end of  the evening tips. But I was never reprimanded or fired because he knew he was being an asshole.

In Aaron James, Asshole: A Theory he points out “Assholes are a given fact of life. They are a fact of life we somehow make peace with if we are to be at peace itself.” As the world shifts there seems to be a rise of assholes which we either learn to co-operate, resist, or ignore in our daily lives. At the time, I  lost my temper recognizing I was no longer willing to cooperate or ignore the asshole.  My only risk was to challenge him at his own game and let him know that my bark had bite.

The problem is this asshole was not born to be an asshole but was nurtured within society to be one. The rise of the Asshole is a societal problem in which we need to look at how we are nurturing our children. Are we raising them to be self-entitled without thought? If this, is the case then are we shooting ourselves in the foot by raising them to believe that they are the best without and should not have any concern for their fellow-man?”

Also,  as  technology and science advance there is a consumer need to purchase and want more. But we are no longer questioning the ethics behind the products or what we are consuming. We are turning away from the humanities for the convenience of  the fast fix.  Does it not create a disconnect from reality and beauty of day-to-day life?

As long as we are willing to give the  cable news asshole a platform to spew bias or allow for the cooperate asshole to tarnish our clean water supply. We are accepting a culture of assholes and perpetuating that they will always be a part of society. Imagine a world  in which  rational debates could be met with compromise  providing  more meaning to the betterment of man instead of expletives and bread throwing.

Aaron James points out, “If humanity had a body it would have an asshole.”   But why do we give an asshole so much power?

Why I Am Not a Brand

As bloggers we are told by experts that we must define our brand. What is a brand? A brand is a trademark or distinctive name identifying a product or a manufacturer. The last time I checked most of us are living and breathing human beings.

andy-warhol-campbell-s-soup-i-1968

I am not a can of soup.

I am not a box of cereal.

I am not a  bag of chips.

I am not a kitchen appliance.

I am not a race car.

So therefore I can deduct that I am not a brand. A brand would mean that it would be an inanimate object waiting for consumers to devour or enjoy my services.

It is when I read  bloggers, authors,  and journalists. I am not looking at their brand. I am interested in the person behind the creative and what inspires them to be great.

What am I if I am not a brand?

I would like to point out that I am a living breathing human being with thoughts and emotions. Sometimes I write rubbish. Sometimes I hit the mark and I am funny. And sometimes just sometimes something good happens from having a blog.

All of this occurs not because I am a special brand of cyborg. But because I connect with other fellow bloggers who share their own thoughts and creative sparks.  Who as far as I know – are also not cereal boxes or cyborgs?

My only request to experts in the blogging field to attempt to use marketing terms that reflect the human spirit. We are real breathing people just as you are a real breathing experts spouting your expertise. So instead of offering courses or insight on finding your brand.

Perhaps, it would be finding yourself? Keeping it Authentic? The Path to Happiness? I am not sure you can really put a brand or a label, on that, can you? But I guess that is the thing in this world of consumerism we all have to be labelled to sell ourselves or you would be out of a job.

So if I was a brand it would be one that took risks, laughed too hard, cried too much, am damned one way or another, and usually busted for holding my finger up to anyone who reminds me of all of my usual inadequacies. But then I guess I am a terrible brand. I am only human after all.

Are you a cyborg? Confess.

I would like to thank Linda from the Task at Hand for inspiration for this post.

What Does Your Swimsuit Reveal About You?

As we lounged on the beach sipping our Moijtos an Italian Jennifer Aniston came bouncing out of the water, pulling her lounge chair directly in front of us, and with flair removed her bikini top. My husband’s face began to turn beat red and he shut his eyes tight turning to look the other way.

The expression on his face revealed  he was in an utter panic!

If I look she will make fun of me and write about it in her blog.

If I don’t look she will make fun of me and write about it in her blog.

It really was a no-win situation for him because of course I was going to write about it in my blog!

It was at that moment he let out a heavy sigh and exclaimed, “Would you like to go for a walk?”

In kindness I put down my Jackie Collin, slathered on the sunscreen, and took one last long sip of my Moijto.  On our walk I began to put several things together based on nationality and swim wear.  I could easily surmise the man in the blue thong was French Canadian, and the women in the string bikini was a modest Spaniard. It was on that  journey I created my own classification of Swimsuit styles.

Observations on Swim Suit StylesIn my assumptions I would like to point out that I did have to classify some nationalities together such as The Europeans (French Canadian, French, Italian, and Spanish). As well I would like to clarify not all North Americans are orange, flashy peacocks, but many of us staying at the resort were trying to don that fake tan ( I would also like to point out Canadians are much different from Americans with our own colorful history and are always modest to point out that we did win the War of 1812).

Well, for the Brits, they are always the best to share a drink with but are very shy in their swimwear selection.  My favorite, however, was the Russian Oligarch he sat by the beach everyday in his Daniel Craig shorts surrounded by two  beautiful women and from the looks of things they were not his daughters.

In theory this chart is full of stereotypes and I am positive someone is going to scold me for being off the mark! Perhaps, not all Brits are modest, and maybe there is a shy French Man out there lounging on the beach. Who knows? What I do know is long as there is sunshine, a beach, there will be swimsuits, and everyone will have their own style!

Are you modest Brit? Or a flashy European with your swim suit style?

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