In Defense of Hair Metal

Over a week ago I was destined to see Motley Crue take the stage.  But life happens and I sighed in defeat knowing that I would never get the chance to catch Tommy Lee’s drum sticks  in the air at the end of the show.

shout-at-the-devil

As a kid caught at the end of the Gen-X curb I was brought up in two worlds the first was my early teens in tight jeans singing out loud to the sounds  of hair metal. Only a few later years  I had evolved  into grunge  with my Walkman volume on high looking very angry all of the time.

I am now that parent in the car complaining to her kids that they just don’t make music like they use too.

As the sun was shining on Sunday afternoon I pulled out May’s edition of the Atlantic,  curled up on the patio chair, and went straight to James Parker’s article “Bad Hair Days.” It was about the rise and fall of hair metal. I cringed and agreed as he made his long list of complaints about the decadence and excessiveness of hair metal. He points outs “…hair metal was inherently forgettable – perhaps the most forgettable music ever.”

This is the part where I disagree with Mr. Parker  as I have not forgotten the big hair, the make-up, and when Dr. Feelgood comes on the radio I hit my pedal to the metal. I still sing Talk Dirty to Me and I embarrass my kids when I start to sing We’re Not Going to Take It with their friends in the car (the perfect anthem for a really bad day).

The purpose for Hair Metal was to have a good time and perhaps it is not for the pretentious at heart.

You know that one music friend.

“Did you hear the new Lumineers album?”

“Yes, I heard it a while ago.”

“Isn’t it great?”

“Well. It was. But now it is just over-commercialized.”

If we have learned anything popular music has an end date and  moves onto the next newest thing. It keeps Mr. Pretentious Music happily on his toes so he can admit to be the first to listen to it.

“You know before it was big.”

As Mr. Parker put down hair metal with gusto “There art was flashy and disposable – and is has been disposed of.” He forgets that millions of people still listen to these catchy tunes because sometimes they do not want to wallow in the depths of despair to the recent sounds on the radio or the anger of grunge.  Sometimes people just want to have a good time and that will never be a disposable art but a fact of life.

 Do you still listen to hair metal from time to time?

What Does Your Swimsuit Reveal About You?

As we lounged on the beach sipping our Moijtos an Italian Jennifer Aniston came bouncing out of the water, pulling her lounge chair directly in front of us, and with flair removed her bikini top. My husband’s face began to turn beat red and he shut his eyes tight turning to look the other way.

The expression on his face revealed  he was in an utter panic!

If I look she will make fun of me and write about it in her blog.

If I don’t look she will make fun of me and write about it in her blog.

It really was a no-win situation for him because of course I was going to write about it in my blog!

It was at that moment he let out a heavy sigh and exclaimed, “Would you like to go for a walk?”

In kindness I put down my Jackie Collin, slathered on the sunscreen, and took one last long sip of my Moijto.  On our walk I began to put several things together based on nationality and swim wear.  I could easily surmise the man in the blue thong was French Canadian, and the women in the string bikini was a modest Spaniard. It was on that  journey I created my own classification of Swimsuit styles.

Observations on Swim Suit StylesIn my assumptions I would like to point out that I did have to classify some nationalities together such as The Europeans (French Canadian, French, Italian, and Spanish). As well I would like to clarify not all North Americans are orange, flashy peacocks, but many of us staying at the resort were trying to don that fake tan ( I would also like to point out Canadians are much different from Americans with our own colorful history and are always modest to point out that we did win the War of 1812).

Well, for the Brits, they are always the best to share a drink with but are very shy in their swimwear selection.  My favorite, however, was the Russian Oligarch he sat by the beach everyday in his Daniel Craig shorts surrounded by two  beautiful women and from the looks of things they were not his daughters.

In theory this chart is full of stereotypes and I am positive someone is going to scold me for being off the mark! Perhaps, not all Brits are modest, and maybe there is a shy French Man out there lounging on the beach. Who knows? What I do know is long as there is sunshine, a beach, there will be swimsuits, and everyone will have their own style!

Are you modest Brit? Or a flashy European with your swim suit style?

The Great Fall: Jennifer Lawrence and Me

Sunday afternoon was when the great fall took place!  It happened without warning! All of a sudden  I was laughing as I began to go down the stairs and seconds later I was laying flat at the bottom of them. It was at that moment I took a very deep breath and attempted not to unleash a slew of profanities in front of my children.

After  fainting and a visit to the ER I  then watched the last of the Oscars with a slice of greasy pizza.

jennifer-lawrence-fallAs I watched Jennifer Lawrence   begin her descent up the stairs she fell and in my Tylenol 3 coma I muttered “What a beautiful dress! It’s just so beautiful! Look it even looks fantastic when she falls!”

After the announcement of Best Actor and Movie my husband decided it was best to usher me off to bed. As I dreamily stated “Ben is a really great guy!”

It was the next morning as I attempted to move that I realized Jennifer Lawrence and I both had Great Falls on Sunday except there were obvious differences in how we fell.

Jennifer Lawrence falls up the stairs and is greeted by a handsome French Actor.

I am greeted by a husband making a concerned face  “Why on earth did you wear those shoes? Sesh! It looked like it really hurt! I mean ow!”

Jennifer Lawrence receives a standing ovation from the whole academy.

My children exclaim “Wow! Mom that didn’t look good.”

Jennifer Lawrence gets whisked away to the media room holding her beautiful golden Oscar with tears of joy in her eyes.

I get whisked away to the ER and try not to cry that really awful sobbing cry.

Jennifer Lawrence I imagine then goes to fabulous parties.

I go home to the sofa consoled by  the comfort of an ice pack and fuzzy blanket.

Jennifer Lawrence (I’m assuming) goes to bed with some beautiful creature.

I go to bed with my dog who attempts to ram her paws into my back in the middle of the night.

Jennifer Lawrence is the winner!

I am really not comparing who had the worst fall  it is obvious both of us had  disastrous outcomes.  I mean it must be terrible for Jennifer Lawrence to look beautiful under such pressure and survive such a calamity. I  also know I can relate to how tough it is to get back up and dust yourself off after that last fall! Phew! It’s a lot of work!

I would also like to thank  Ben Affleck for the inspiration for the last closing lines of this post.

Do you have a memorable fall? Was it as glamorous as Jennifer Lawrence’s?

The Cost of a Bikini: How Much Are You Willing to Spend?

It was over the holidays my husband gave me fifty dollar  gift certificate to splurge at a local swimwear shop for our upcoming vacation. What he did not realize was that one bikini bottom costs close to a hundred dollars in this shop. One very tiny bikini bottom.

carry on full of bikinis

I  just smiled at his kind gesture and said, “Thank you!”

Over the weekend he asked, “Honey! When are you going to use your gift certificate?”

I took that as a cue to buy myself a new bikini.

I walked into the shop over-whelmed at the prices and trying to find anything in my size on sale.

I settled for a two piece number which cost close to two hundred dollars. I thought to myself this better have special butt lifting powers…

It did not.

So in the end after trying on several costly bikini’s I settled for one flimsy cover-up that was on sale for sixty-nine dollars. I only had to spend nineteen which still felt like an extravagant splurge.

I came home to a very enthusiastic husband, “What did you get?”

“Umm. I got this.”

“That is all you got for fifty dollars.”

“Actually is was sixty-nine dollars.The gift certificate was a wonderful idea but next time pick a cheaper shop.”

He was slightly surprised by the cost and exasperated “Why are women’s swimsuits so expensive?”

” I do not know. However, that is  a very good question.”

How much are you willing to spend on a bathing suit or bikini?

A Special Holiday Message

Happy Holidays!

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