The Unknown Road

October 20, 2011 By belleofthecarnival in creative writing, Dharma Bums, feminism, fiction, Jack Kerouac, Life, motherhood, musings, random thoughts, thoughts Tags: creative writing, Dharma Bums, feminism, fiction, Jack Kerouac, motherhood, musings, My Life, personal, thoughts 24 Comments

[T. of "As Long as I'm Singing" a rock n' roller with a good sense of humor who embraces his faith recently confessed he talks to his blog. It was a great relief to me that I was not the only one! T. asks "Would your life be any different, fundamentally, if you were the opposite sex of the one you are now?"]

As I look at the dishes in the kitchen, the garden that needs tending, and the laundry piled in the basement. I sit and attempt to focus on my computer screen as two little widgets run about around the table, “Mom! Can we have a snack!”

I graciously grab the snack, send them outside, and try to regain my thoughts! I sigh, where was I going? Who am I? What would life be if I were a man?

I reflect back, think of my early twenties, and retreat to my shelf examining the beat – up copy of Dharma Bums by Jack Kerouac. As I gaze at the cover I dream I was traveling the open road with my knap sack never knowing the adventure that rambled around the corner.

Now that was the life and that was a man. If I was a man Dharma Bums would have been my bible. I would be the man without responsibility traveling down the unknown road.

I would rely only on my knapsack, a journal, and life free of responsibility. My quest to search for meaning, listening to jazz, and meeting a motley crew of characters along the way.

However, as a woman the freedom to hitchhike or hop a train eludes me. The freedom of living the life carefree without concern of security, roaming the earth, and enjoying the fine mountain grass evades my presence.

It is the now that I look at the messy house, the weedy garden, and look to my children. I have a home full of warmth and love. It is this security that surrounds me with a warm blanket.

It might not be the freedom of the open road but it keeps me grounded. It is by staying grounded I learn that life is about how you live it and embrace it. The open road will always be there to roam, characters will come and go, but to me there truly is no place like home.

Do you long for the open road? Or do believe there is no place like home?

What if?

September 30, 2011 By belleofthecarnival in giving your children more freedom, letting your kids walk to school, Life, motherhood, my life, parenting, raising boys, random thoughts, thoughts, times have changed, what if Tags: family, learning, life, motherhood, musings, parenting, personal, raising children, random thoughts, what if 34 Comments

My oldest son is in Grade 4 we have a two-minute walk to the elementary school. I have been trying to give him more freedom. I wondered is it time to let him walk to school by himself? I just feel that there are so many what if’s? What if someone snatches him? What if a careless driver fails to see him crossing the street? What if there is a bully lurking in the corner? What if? What if?

It was just this past week, the morning was cold, and he had to be at school early before everyone else to work on a school project. I took the leap and decided to give him just a little bit more freedom. I walked him across the busy street letting him walk to school alone. I turned my back and went home.

I sighed, and hurried back home to get on with the morning and organize the littlest for the first bell.

It was later in the morning the house was quiet, I was reaching for my second cup of coffee, and the phone rang. I saw the schools number on the phone and felt a heavy thud in my stomach.

“Hello”

“Hello. We are wondering where Alex is this morning?”

“He is at school.”

“No the teacher has him marked as absent.”

I felt a slight rush of panic my worst nightmare had come true and I was beginning to workout a plan in my head, “No I walked him half way to school he should be there he had an early morning project.”

“Oh! The teacher marked him as absent. She must have forgot.No worries then…”

I felt no worries! I felt a surge of panic!What if the teacher was right? What if he was absent? What if he was abducted?

“Could you do me a favor and just make sure he is at the school? I only walked him halfway, I didn’t see him walk in, and now just want to double check that he is with the group?”

My helicopter blades were spinning like mad! I panicked thinking maybe he didn’t make it to school.The what ifs swirled in my head. I kicked myself I should have walked him the whole way.

The secretary returned to the phone and replied, “It’s all good! We found him! He is with the group!”

And it was with that assurance I felt a huge sigh of relief.

In this day and age there are so many what ifs! As a child I remember roaming the streets with my friends, walking home from school alone, and hanging in the trees in the woods. We weren’t supervised and we all made it out unscathed for the most part.

So what has changed? Do you have a what if?

Can Patron Saint Joseph Help Sell Your Home?

September 19, 2011 By belleofthecarnival in Catholic Superstitions, Home Sales, motherhood, musings, my life, parenthood, Patron Saint Joesph, random thoughts, Selling your home, superstitions, thoughts, White Lies Tags: creative writing, fun, funny, humor, motherhood, musings, My Life, NaBloPoMo, Parenthood, random thoughts, superstitions 26 Comments

Our first home was a small little spot in the middle of nowhere we had the quiet visits of deer, moose, and the occasional bear. It was the perfect beginning to our young little family. Two bedrooms seemed spacious enough for three but with the arrival of our second child I was ready to move into town.I wanted to enjoy the luxury of spacious and convenient living.

Sadly, due to an undesirable location for the rest of the planet, two bedrooms, and a bear trap in the front yard had made our little love nest an inconvenience to sell. That is until my superstitious mother stepped in with a solution.

She handed me a statue of the Patron Saint Joseph.

“My friend told me to bury this in your backyard and your house will sell quicker.”

I looked at her sleep deprived and wondering what she was holding, “What? What is that?”

“It’s the Patron Saint Joseph. Just bury it in the yard.”

I took it and buried it in the cupboard. Completely forgetting of its existence until her next visit. She found it in the back of my cupboard searching for the tea.

“You didn’t bury this yet?”

“No! No! I didn’t!”

She looked at me, “Humph! No wonder your house will never sell!”

It’s with that I sighed and grabbed my darling three-year old to teach him a lesson in superstitions. We walked out the backdoor with one Hail Mary we took sweet Joseph and buried him deep into the recesses of the ground.

It was at this point in my life I had two little ones under the age of three, a husband on the road for work, and a need of a weekly break to regain some form of sanity. My babysitter was a saving grace, a saint, the one rescue from the toils of spit and soiled diapers.

It was one afternoon I came home from a glorious afternoon of peace and coffee to discover my babysitter had dug out dear Saint Joseph from the backyard.

“We were playing in the backyard. Your son just started digging and kept saying he was looking for his buried treasure. Where did it come from?”

As she held the dear Saint Joseph in her hand with a perplexed look on her face – all I could do was lie. Yes! I lied out of fear of losing my babysitter! How would you react to a poorly dress woman with black circles under her eyes admitting “Yes! I did bury Saint Joseph in my back yard in order for my home to sell!”

It was with wise maneuvering and fear of judgement I did not come clean. Instead I looked at the statue, I looked at my sitter’s angelic and inquisitive face and replied , “I have no idea where that came from – Isn’t that bizarre!”

It was with that my babysitter left my home befuddled with so many questions on her mind…

Have you ever fibbed out of fear of judgement?

Dance Each Day Like Our Last

September 10, 2011 By belleofthecarnival in 9/11, Afghan War, India, Life, musings, my life, NaBloPoMo, new delhi, Old Delhi, Pakistan, random thoughts, September 11th, terrorism, thoughts, travel, Udaipur Tags: 2001, 9/11, My Life, NaBloPoMo, personal, random thoughts, September 11th, Terrorism, thoughts, travel 24 Comments

I was in a hospital bed in India was very sick, dehydrated, and hooked-up to an IV. It was around six in the morning the nurse with big brown eyes who spoke no English rustled me out of my deep sweaty sleep. She handed me the Hindustan Times, and I pushed it away.

by Elizabeth Brandon

It was so tired, so sick, I just wanted to sleep. She rustled me again, her eyes were urgent, and forced the front page into my hands. I abruptly awoke, my stomach, went queasy. This didn’t happen there must be some kind of mistake…

I glanced at the paper, my heart sank, as I looked at the crumbling towers. How could this happen? All I wanted to do was contact my family, get out of the hospital bed, and see my work mates. I felt a rush of panic and dizziness – how could something like this happen?

The next month we were glued to the TV screens watching every tidbit of news from CNN, Star TV, and BBC. Each had their own perspective of what happened and would happen next.

It was in October the day the US invaded Afghanistan. I treated it like any other work day put on my work clothes and went to the office. My colleague and I were meeting with the CEO of the business we were consulting and placing a request for better working conditions for his employees. He looked at us and said, ” I’m in no mood today. I have family in Afghanistan.”

You could see the pain in his eyes and the weight on his shoulders. It is there memories of what I remember from that fateful day of the invasion of Afghanistan and the months that trudged into the lion’s den.

My perspective of terrorism changed as we sat in a political hot bed we were told we were possible targets white and North American is was wise to not to go into Old Delhi under any circumstances. We were to be cautious at all times whether were in Market places or traveling to any destinations deemed safe.

In December just before Christmas Vacation the Indian Parliament only twenty minutes from where I lived was stormed by Pakistani Terrorists. I remember walking into the office, everyone pale, wondering when would be the next attack and would India retaliate on its northern neighbors.

On Christmas Vacation my husband and I backpacked throughout Rajasthan. I remember looking out at the vast landscape, the road ways, and watching the Indian tanks move to defends it borders. We looked at each other and attempted to guess the news of the day.

It was the next morning I sipped my coffee and inspected the news in the internet cafe. Only to discover our next travel destination had a detour there would be no camel safari in Jesselmer as long as there was fighting and gun shots along the border.

Our travel plans derailed we spent extra time in Udaipur. It was on New Years Eve on the hostel roof top we danced under the stars with all of the hostel workers as well a motley crew of dirty backpacker’s one Israeli, a couple of Aussies, and a few Germans. It was that night we danced to the beat of the music with merriment we did the light bulb, we laughed, and we rang in the New Year of 2002 with hope for a better future.

9/11 shaped the globalized community and changed all of our worlds on that fateful day. Terrorism has changed the way we travel and the way we think about our world. The crumbling of the towers, the loss of life, still makes me sick to my stomach. If we are ever to defeat the chaos terrorism has inflicted on our psyche it is by showing no fear and living each day like it is our last.

How has 9/11 changed the way you view the world?

All I Wanted Was My Dog

September 7, 2011 By belleofthecarnival in Bad customer service, Customer Service Experince, dogs, fun, Good customer service, Humor, kenneling our pets, my life, NaBloPoMo, random thoughts, return, thoughts Tags: creative writing, Customer Service, dogs, humour, musings, My Life, NaBloPoMo, pets, random thoughts, Return 22 Comments

After a splendid weekend of camping the next day I soldiered through the laundry and hopped in the car ready to pick up my beloved pet from the kennel. I drove half way across the city and landed at the spot at exactly 12:05pm. I went to open the door and it was locked.

I then proceeded to read the sign on the door. We are open Monday – Friday 9:00am – 5:00pm however we are closed between 12:00pm and 1:00pm. I sighed “You have got to be kidding me”

No one had ever mentioned this fact to us before, it wasn’t listed on the web site, and they didn’t mention it on their answering machine. I looked around the building cars were parked, lights were on, and I assumed if I rang the door bell someone would answer.

But they didn’t! I suspect they were too busy playing poker!

The location was in the middle of no where so I was left standing waiting for someone to open the door. All I wanted was my dog. It only takes two seconds to pay and then leave with the adorable pup. However, I waited, I phoned, no answer, I rang the doorbell, still no answer! At exactly 1:00 pm they opened the magical door which lead to my dog.

“Good Afternoon! How can I help you?”

” Good Afternoon! I’m here to pick-up my dog, I have been waiting hour outside, could you please go get her.”

Another girl emerged ” Is there a problem?”

“Yes there is a problem! I have driven half way across the city to the middle of no where only to discover that you are closed at the most convenient time of the day between 12:00 and 1:00pm.”

“Well you should have known!”

“I should have known – how could I know if someone doesn’t tell me, list it on their website, or leave this tidbit of information on their answering machine. The whole time a paying customer is standing outside to pick her dog up and you don’t even have the common courtesy to pick up the phone or answer the door.”

“It’s not my problem. You should have known the time was listed on the door.”

“So what you are telling me is I have to drive half way across the city to read a sign on the door?”

It’s with that she stomped off in a huff. I could hear her exclaiming through the walls at the girl getting my dog how awful I was….

It was at that point girl came out with my dog. I didn’t reply, I didn’t tip for the care of my dog, I left, and I will never return again. If they are in the business of losing repeat customers – I think they may have succeeded!

What is one of your worst customer service experiences? Did you ever return to that business?

The Walls have Pesky Ears

September 6, 2011 By belleofthecarnival in friendship, fun, gossip, gossiping, Humor, Life, my life, NaBloPoMo, random thoughts, Relationship's, rumors, The Walls Have Ears, thoughts Tags: creative writing, friendship, Gossip, humor, musings, My Life, NaBloPoMo, random thoughts, relationships, Return 20 Comments

The sun was shining and it was the perfect afternoon to take my dog for a run at the off leash park. The trails were quiet with a few other souls walking their pups. As we reached the bank of the river my dog jumped in for a swim.

I stood behind the bank and could hear two women talk, “I saw Esther at the club.”

“Did you see the work she had done?”

“I know! Did you hear about her husband?”

As I stood there listening to these two women talk I was able to connect the dots one plus one equals…Yes! I did know who they were talking about and was slightly appalled by the cattiness of the conversation. I would have liked to have feigned disinterest and pretend to ignore the gossip. But It’s hard not to connect the dots or ignore a juicy discussion that is right in front of you.

As my dog ran out of the water and we turned away. I was slightly surprised that they were so open and loud about the conversation.

I thought of the old saying “The walls have ears!”

I am human I have shared or savored a tidbit of gossip.I would like to think we are all enlightened individuals but sometimes it’s fun to discuss the time Norma had too much to drink and danced with a dirty old sailor. However, if word got back to Norma how would she feel that we talked and chuckled about her amorous evening.

I have realized somethings should be left unsaid because you never know when that gossip can comeback to bite you in the butt. The walls always have those pesky ears and you never know who will hear it!

Have you ever shared a tidbit of gossip? Did it ever return to bite you in the butt?

If You Want…

September 6, 2011 By belleofthecarnival in Cat Stevens, fun, Harold and Maude, Humor, Life, musings, NaBloPoMo, return, thoughts, Youthful Spirit Tags: Cat Stevens, creative writing, fun, Harold and Maude, musings, My Life, NaBloPoMo, random thoughts, Return, thoughts, youthful spirit 16 Comments

If you want to sing out! It’s the anthem of hope, optimism the one song we can sing to our children in a lullaby. But somewhere something happens. Do we forget to sing out?

It’s in the cult classic Harold and Maude we see the angst of youth meet the strength of age and wisdom. It’s what Harold learns from Maude that teaches him in order to survive it’s okay to escape pretensions and live your life to the fullest.

As we age do we lose that youthful optimism somewhere in adulthood or does it still in linger in us? How do you maintain your youthful spirit? Is there a song you return to for hope?

The Dangers of Reading in the Tub

September 3, 2011 By belleofthecarnival in Accidents, Broken Nose, Curse of the klutz, funny, Humor, Life, musings, my life, NaBloPoMo, random thoughts, return, slipping in the bathtub, thoughts Tags: fun, funny, humor, motherhood, musings, My Life, NaBloPoMo, Parenthood, random thoughts, Return, thoughts 30 Comments

It was when Desi Valentine tweeted ” Should you be tempted, do NOT drink CC&G’s while soaking in a hot bath with a good book. Even if they taste really good!” One of those distant memories came back and prompted me to write this…”

It was a nice Sunday afternoon I had a relaxing lunch with good friends and returned to a quiet house. I was excited to discover my husband had taken the kids to the park and I was alone in the solitude of my home.

It was one of those rare days the bathroom was clean and I could enjoy the comforts of a hot bubble bath. I ran the water, left my book on the sink counter, and hopped into the tub full of suds. It was the best two minutes of my weekend until I stood up to reach for my book.

It was with that I lost my balance on the tub and fell face first with a crash into the side of the tub. I remember the pain, things went blurry as I laid back against the porcelain, and I began to feel ill. My nose was bleeding and I knew it was time to get out of the tub.

Happy Old Bath Tub by Bruce Combs

I was dizzy and thought – Dear God, What if I faint and someone finds me naked sprawled on the bathroom floor. What would my mother think?

I did the best I could to dry off and reached for my closest set of pajamas and I called my sister to take me to the hospital.

She arrived chuckling at me in my flannel polka dot penguin skiing pajamas loaded me and my bleeding nose into the truck. As we drove she chuckled more and then held out her cel phone taking a picture of me – a keeper of the good memory.

As we got out of the truck at the hospital I asked “Why are those men staring at me?”

My sister chuckled, “You are wearing penguin pajamas and you forgotten to button up your top!”

It was with that I fumbled to button my top as we entered the ER and it donned on me that I had to explain what happened to the nurse.

“I was soaking in the tub then I got up to grab my book on the counter and fell face first on the edge of the tub.”

She gave me a questioning look…

“No. I did not have anything to drink!”

I stuttered, “I know this is something old people do! Not me!”

It was with that I took my number, sat in the ER with my penguin pajamas, high on Tylenol 3, did I mention they gave me Tylenol 3? Did I also mention that I have no tolerance for any form of medication?

My husband arrived pale as a ghost – I was oblivious that people were looking at him then me his disheveled wife.

His voice got a little loud, “I can’t believe you broke your nose in the tub.”

I groaned, “I know!”

His voice went a little louder, “It’s terrible that you broke your nose in the tub!”

It was at that moment I caught on that people were staring at him, his disheveled wife with the two black eyes and broken nose. He was mortified that people may have thought that he had done this too me.

A couple of hours later I was in the triage room waiting for the doctor. He looked at me in my penguin pajamas all I could say was “I thought old people were the only ones who slip in the tub.”

He chuckled and said, “I hope it was a good book!”

It was after returning to the scene of the crime. I never looked at the bath tub the same and I always slid in slowly remembering to keep my book close before situating my naked butt into the tub! You never know what you could break in that klutz trap!

Have you ever had an accidental calamity? What was it like to return to the scene of the incident?

A Love of Puff Sleeves and Poetry

August 31, 2011 By belleofthecarnival in Anne of Green Gables, Childhood Books, Childhood Movies, creative writing, dreams, fiction, Great Books, Lady of Shallot, musings, my thoughts, NaBloPoMo, poetry, thoughts, writing Tags: Anne of Green Gables, children's literature, Childrens Movies, fiction, fun, humor, musings, My Life, NaBloPoMo, thoughts, writing 20 Comments

As a young girl there was one annual event on CBC that I looked forward to every year and it was Anne of Green Gables. I was swept up the Anne with her love of puff sleeves, the arduous Gilbert Blythe, and her one true bosom buddy Diane. I laughed when Anne died her hair green, when she got Diane got drunk on cordial, and would sob when Matthew died.

As a I child I could relate to Anne and was excited that she was only a ferry ride away! She grew-up in a small town just like me and she still dared to dream! It was her dreams, passions, and love of good books that made me want to be Anne Shirley. Afterall, we did seem to have away to finding trouble and falling off things…

The one thing Anne introduced me to was her love of poetry. My favorite scene is Anne floating down the river on her sinking boat as she quotes The Lady of Shallot. I wanted to memorize, understand, and love its meaning just as much as Anne. Her melodrama and deep passion for poetry made me love my own books so much more!

She is the one character that stays with me in my heart reminding me to keep my own passions alive. As a young girl when the days where rough and female role models were far from near. I could depend on Ann spelt with an E who was always longing for a dress with puff sleeves.

So as the NaBloPoMo month of fiction comes to an end – Is there fictional character from your childhood that stays close to your heart?

One Perilous Shopping Encounter

August 29, 2011 By belleofthecarnival in cobra, fun, funny, Humor, India, Life, musings, my life, NaBloPoMo, new delhi, random thoughts, snake charmer, thoughts, travel Tags: Cobra, creative writing, fun, funny, humor, India, life, Memories, musings, My Life, NaBloPoMo, New Delhi, random thoughts, Snake Charmer, thoughts, travel 20 Comments

Do you have that one travel memory that sticks with you? Is it a sunset, the joy of making a new friend, or the possibility of running into the unexpected? In a distant time I once lived in New Delhi, India. It is a chaotic city full of life, it is one of those places in the world you will either love or hate. The feeling depends on the day…

I had packed unprepared thinking the weather would be warm for all of the seasons. I was wrong, it was the end of the November, and the evenings were bone-chilling. I knew it was time to invest in some warm clothes.

I headed to the market in search of the perfect wool sweater. I came across one merchants table, looking up admiring a lovely green one hanging on the wall. I stepped closer, to get a better look.

The Snake Charmer, Mewar Style, by Mr. Gopal

I then looked at the merchant “Kitna?”

The man looked at me “For you only 200 rupees!”

I looked at him “Without the white man tax?”

He replied, “150!”

He assumed I was an easy target. It was then I got swept up in the moment, “Ne! Ne! Ne! 50 rupees!”

“125!”

“No. I’ll go somewhere else!”

He started to exclaim “Wait! 110!”

I looked at him backing up “75!”

And with that I heard a man exclaim “Snake!”

I thought for a second that wasn’t part of the deal! I turned around, looking down, and I saw a man crouched next to the corner of the table. My brain registered and I gasped with the realization that I almost toppled over backwards on top of a snake charmer.

He once again exclaimed, “Snake!”

It was there I saw his beady eye snake peering at me. I was within less of a foot of a cobra. I screamed, and jumped fifty feet away. I screamed again, and only mildly recovering! My heart was racing the thought of being that close to a snake unbeknownst to me sent shivers down my spine.

I have always had a phobia of snakes and this one was within striking distant of my covered calf. My heart was racing, I blushed, everyone within the distance of the commotion was staring at the crazy white woman who almost walked into a snake and screeched like banshee.

In order to save face I recovered from my panic attack, ” 80 rupees! And you have a deal.”

Have you ever been startled by the unexpected?

Belle of the Carnival's Blog

Musings of a Gal Trapped in the Suburban Carnival

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