In Hilary Grossman’s charming debut memoir Dangled Carat, she opens her heart sharing her story of finding love and the follies that many relationships face on the road to commitment. It is the story of the “not so perfect romance” and one we can all relate too. Hilary, gives an honest look at finding love as she patiently attempts to manage the commitment-phobic man from running out the door.
I had the pleasure to speak with Hilary about her memoir and the valuable insights she has gained from writing about her life.
Hilary, I loved your debut memoir Dangled Carat! It revealed some very personal and intimate details of your life in this novel. Was that hard for you to write?
It was actually easier than I would have thought it would be! It is funny, but ever since I started blogging, I find it simple to open up and share my deepest thoughts and feelings. I am able to write things that I don’t know if I would be comfortable talking about in person. In a way writing is therapeutic to me…
That said, there was one part that was very difficult to write…. The sex scene! In my first draft I never mentioned S-E-X. My editor told me that a relationship book really needed to have a little sex in it. I trusted her completely, and knew she was right. However actually writing that scene took forever. I literally couldn’t do it. I stared at my blank screen for hours….. It was so awkward and uncomfortable!
The one thing I noticed throughout the book is that you have a strong connection with your family and friends. Have they taken a sneak peek at your memoir? And if so what are their thoughts?
Yes and no. When I started writing the book I eagerly gave the first half of the original draft to several of my closest family and friends (including many of my “characters”). They all gave me valuable advice on additional stories to include or parts of my relationship to elaborate on. However as the manuscript took more shape, and became a finished product, I kept it very close to my heart, and only gave it to a very select few people to read. So far everyone has been extremely supportive and seem to enjoy the story a lot….
You have a special bond with your Mother and she seems to be your lighthouse that guides you throughout the storm. What is the best piece of advice she has ever given you?
“Lighthouse that guides you through the storm” I love that, because that is an accurate description. My mom and I are very close. We have always been, but after my dad passed away, when I was fourteen, our bond became even stronger. She has given me so much advice over the years, it is hard to pick out the best….
Before dating “Mr. Commitment-Phobic” I was involved in a turbulent relationship. One day I would be madly in love and the next I would be miserable, crying my eyes out. My mom would tell me that love shouldn’t feel this way. Love should make you happy, not sad. She also said if I felt this way during the “good times” what would happen if something really went wrong? Would he support me or would he just add to my sorrows…
If you were a relationship columnist – what would be your one piece advice for people looking for that special someone?
I hate to sound cliché but I would tell them not to look too hard, but instead just be very open to meeting new people. Also, don’t judge a person too quickly. “Mr. Commitment-Phobic” and I had a very unique how you met story, which of course I share in DANGLED CARAT. I often kick myself that I didn’t have an open mind the first time I could have met him. If I did, I probably would have enjoyed a great year with him (and have missed out on a year of stress and aggregation with the other guy).
The one thing I adore about you is your sense of style and love of shoes. What do you think is the perfect first date shoe?
Hmm… Tough question… I think you need to go with something that makes you feel confident and good about yourself. Normally I am of the opinion that it is better to look good than to feel good, especially when it comes to shoes. I make one exception to this rule – a first date. You need to be somewhat comfortable. Not only do you have to be prepared for whatever the night may bring, you also need to be able to make a speedy get away just in case Mr. Maybe turns out to be Mr. Wrong!
Excellent advice, Hilary! I think we can all relate to a speedy get away! Thank you for taking the time to speak with me and I want to congratulate you on the success of your book launch!