It in the past couple of weeks I have been getting some really great spammer comments! However, when I received one that I had to read over, think twice, then pinch myself to make sure I wasn’t dead. 
“I have your obituary in my car to keep me safe and so that I can look at you and think about you every day.”
I wondered does this spammer know something about my future that I do not? Was I already dead? I began to question my fate and existence for most of the afternoon.
So I took a swallow of fish oil and gagged! I knew from that awful taste I was still alive! Thank God!
It was from that one comment which inspired me to write my own blogger obituary:
Belle was a versatile blogger and loving mother who leaves behind two sons, and a wonderful husband. She loved to sing in the shower, do silly dances throughout the house, and mortify her two children with an array of questions about their day. Her toots will be deeply missed as it was an aroma which could stop a lion in its tracks forcing it to run the other way.
It is in her life she believed her greatest accomplishment was raising her two boys to be strong men with a great sense of humor. She also believed each day no matter how solemn should have a few moments of laughter.
In the event of her death she requested to be buried in a red dress, fancy hat, and ruby-red slippers. Belle also vehemently voiced instead of a wake “where people could have one last memory of her with bad make-up and a grim face” that there is to be a party held in her memory at the Black Horse.
She expects everyone to have at least two shots of tequila and six pints of beer with the sounds of Billy Joel playing in the background. It is also mandatory for at least one drunken sot to pass out in her Mother’s front lawn just for memories sake.
Now lets hope the other obituary that the spammer has on the dashboard of his car is keeping him safe because it is definitely not mine!
What would your blogger obituary look like?
My condolences on your untimely passing and to be notified through spam, exceptionally tragic.
It was exceptionaly tragic to learn from my nemesis! They keep toying with me! But the worst part was the oil! What the hell was I thinking?
Heh… perfect! You could add that you have moved on to zombie status, with a particular fondness for roast spam(mer).
You will be missed, now please pass the tequila.
Chuckles! Bottoms Up!
Al your wishes have been duly noted. Let’s wait for a while though before we do all of this.
Ha! I’m here for a while! We have got retirement plans for boca
**In the event of her death she requested to be buried in a red dress, fancy hat, and ruby-red slippers.**
I love this
)))) x
Thank you! It was fun to write
In honor of your not dying, I am going to raise a glass of tequila in your honor.
Cheers to that! Bottoms Up! And one more shot for the road
What a great way to handle bad spam. You made dying seem kind of fun. Billy Joel held my hand while I stumbled into adulthood. The piano man would be a perfect host for a final party.
Thank you! It was really fun to write! You never know when inspiration will strike! I love the Piano Man! But we would have to kick the night off with You Maybe Right – it’s my favorite!
Hahaha, hilarious. I, too, have been getting spammed like crazy the past couple of weeks, but non as interesting as an obituary. Very well written. Thought I was the only one who wanted ruby red slippers!
Thank you! I would love a pair of ruby red slippers! Afterall, there is no place like home
you are silly
Giggles! Friday’s are meant to be silly
What a spoilsport! And here all this time you had no clue you were thought dead!
LOL! I know! Tell me about it!
Sympathies to your family! Well, excepting maybe for missing the toots!
Hahaha! Toot! Toot!
He was a man of great taste and great integrity. He lacked ambition and a motive in life. He will be sorely missed – next weekend max! Bets anyone?
LOL! I never take bets on fate
Remind me to take you with me should I ever venture out on safari, Belle. You sound like a useful person to have around when lions are on the rampage.
Great post. The BBC has shelves of obituaries stored for living people so they don’t get caught unawares.
I would be the perfect defense to lions, tigers, or bears! Oh! My! I think we would have a lovely time on a safari! We would have to coordinate outfits and we would need one of those really big hats!
Really? That is fascination! One of the many reasons I love the BBC – they are always prepared for the worse case scenario
Because I love the questions you have at the end of every post. They are always so engaging! I am giving you the Lovely Blog Award :http://wp.me/p1U4zR-bf
Thank you! I always love the responses! It’s like Christmas every morning!
I’ll see if I can’t fix the Ruby Slippers issue for you. Keep your eyes peeled on Sunday.
Meanwhile, I am grateful to hear that rumors of your death were greatly exaggerated!
I’m curious! I will have to visit first thing in the morning with a fresh cup of coffee
Luckily, it was greatly exaggerated! I’m wondering who’s obituary he does have on the dashboard? I think it could be a story for the twilight zone.
Delightful. You can count on me to drink my assigned 2 shots of tequila and my pints of beer. You need not worry, I won’t let you down.
Woot! Woot! That’s the spirit! And dance! It’s very important to partake in lots of nonsensical dancing!
My sympathy to you for passing and a big hooray for you leaving us the tequila, burp, and here’s my obit . . . Sunshine’s dead, no sun for today, or tomorrow or the next day.
Only the belle of the carnival could take weird spam and turn it into a delightful carnival show stopper! I’m relieved to know you will live to read spam and write another day. Thanks for the chuckle!
I am glad you got a good laugh! It was too tempting not to resist such a creative comment
*shivers* That’s CREEPY! I mean, I’m all for embracing my mortality – how else can we live out loud, today! – and everything, but I think I’ll leave my obit writing to optimistic spammers. You know, after they help me increase my penis size! =D
Hahaha! Yes! The Penis Size! Sometimes I like to take a walk on the morbid side…;)
How…odd. When I see stuff like that I assume someone got confused as to what they were replying to….or…maybe…their reply was a via their phone and autocorrected.
But then again, the world is full of crazies…so, yeah…there ya go. Weird, totally!
It is totally weird! But odd stuff like that makes me chuckle! It’s too fun not to play with
Most EXCELENT!!!
Thank you
Funny and I would totally attend your funeral! Especially with your tequilla requirements! Don’t go anywhere any time soon though, Your posts are delightful and you would be missed!
Glad you are still kickin’!
Thank you! Now that’s the spirit! I think I’m here for a while…
Ruby red slippers…brilliant!
Clickity Click!
I LOVED this one, but you really got me with “a swallow of fish oil and gagged!” OMG, this one killed me! But I guess that is one sure way to know you are still alive.
Virtual hugs, Amiga,
~Virginia
Hahaha! I’m glad you loved it! We once dared one of my cousins to drink a half a bottle of cod liver oil when we were kids. And let’s just say the end result wasn’t very pretty
I like the red ruby slippers, when you get a pair send me a pair also. Size 9. I can’t write my obituary cuz my head is fuzzy after a crummy day at work. But for the wake. I want every version I can find of “Somewhere over the Rainbow” playing. I’m starting my collection now.
Definitely! I will keep my eye out for you
I hope tomorrow is a better day for you!
Thank you
One karate chop to the spammer! Hi-ya!
Spammer comments are the worst! The positive ones are just a nuisance, but why do the spammers think that insulting my blog with a spam comment will gain them any traction? I have to admit, the obituary is a new one to me.
Nancy
http://www.workingmomadventures.com
They make me chuckle! The obituary was a new one for me too!
Great idea,hitting back with comedy, you just hit back at them and I bet they didn’t expect it!. I am in England,being that it’s midnight here this was an unusual topic for me to read at night but I thought it was great the humorous way you handled it.
Thank you
It’s fun to turn such a ridiculous comment into a funny post. Well at least I thought it was funny 
Thanks for the visit and I hope to see more of you!
She may have been brave, but she was also clumsy. In the end, she jumped off one too many cliffs.
Who? You? Or Me? I’m thinking I should have added that into mine
Okay, that is just creepy! If you keep having those shots of tequila, you will feel dead to the world soon enough.
If I drink tequila, the night usually ends with me lamenting “Oh God, someone put me out of my misery!” When I get up the next day, I check myself out in the mirror, and it’s horrifying. It’s like I’m literally looking at a corpse! 
Not sure that would make a good obituary…
Tequila is like a long lost friend luckily I don’t do it very often
My liver would never forgive me! Giggles! I bet you look ravishing after a night of tequila! I know my belches have a way add a delicate aroma to the room…
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