Do you ever have one of those moments where you stop listening to your partner in the middle of a disagreement? It feels like you are speaking in Greek and they are speaking tongues neither of you getting the point of the conversation. It’s at those moments you want to throw your hands up in frustration and scream “I give up!” 
I know exactly when my hands begin to flail that I have failed communication 101. It is that crazy thing called active listening that I forget when trying to prove my point to my significant other.
My ultimate goal is to be right! I want to be one step ahead of the debate – ready to throw my opponent under the bus. However, there is the odd time we are debating but oblivious that we agree on the same valid points.
It was just the other day I listened to my two little men have one of those conversations.
“Robert, have you seen my Nintendo DS?”
“I saw it last year!”
“The last time I saw it was last week!”
“Yes! That was last year!”
“No Robert! That was Last week!”
“Alex, that was last year!”
As I listened to Robert torment his brother and chuckle as he waited for Alex to realize last year was last week. It reminds me that we need not hear but intently listen to what the individual is actually telling you. Sometimes it can make all the difference in how we communicate with others on the off-chance that we both might be right.
Have you ever debated your point until you are blue in the face only to realize your opponent agrees with you?
Ahhh the Lovely Art of Communication and the many times it has failed us all in one aspect or another!!! I loathe confrontration and sometimes just agree to disagree – ha! Thanks for sharing:)
I sometimes agree to disagree it just depends on the topic of conversation
Not that I can recall. I do not miss the days of partner disagreements!
LOL! They make it fun!
Ahhh yes! This happens quite often with my partner. You always have to go back to the basics and clarify if you understand what the other person is saying. Maybe one day we’ll get it right
I’m glad I’m not the only one
One of these days we will get it right! I hope…
great point – and i have to say i laughed out loud at the conversation between your boys – too funny!
Thanks! The youngest is a real comedian
Oh yeah, my husband and I can “go there” quickly, I am sure we have a trap door that takes us straight to misunderstanding. Oddly, it has gotten better in recent months, though I had given up. Miracles do happen. We pretty much don’t count anything that’s said while we’re blue in the face.
Miracles do happen! Usually once I hit the blue in the face, my arms are flailing up in the air, and I’m digging my heels
Sounds like conversations around here…hmmm. ?!
LOL! Aren’t they fun?
I love Alex! He is so cute! I can picture myself having this conversation with Marc. He does things like that to me all the time, and I always fall…
Hahaha! Me too! Men! They learn early
not really, but i’m going to give it a try. hahah! your kids are cute!
LOL! Thanks! They are my little sweet peas!
Just a general observation – The whole point of shouting at the top of your lungs is so that the other would quiet down and listen to what you have to say, I find staying quiet a way more effective method to make the other one do the same.
Sometimes it’s just fun to have a passionate debate over how to cut cheese
Keep the romance alive!
Happens to me all the time. I hear it is going to rain and he hears it is going to snow while sitting side by side watching the same news broadcast.
It is selective hearing on this end and it can be funny after the fact to recall the conversations.
Don’t you love selective hearing? I think it’s fun to choose what we heard and what we didn’t
Oh yes, it does happen every so often… can’t help it. My hubby is a know-it-all and has the ego to prove it. I have to try to prove him wrong at times, it’s not always a success but i won’t give up trying.
LOL! It sounds like we have the same husband
MTM and I hardly ever disagree. When we do, one gives into the other pretty quickly so the argument can be over. We’re wusses, I guess.
LOL! That’s awesome!
When I realize that hubby and I are getting nowhere, it is usually because he doesn’t really argue. I find that I am the one doing all the talking and yelling. I am the only one there looking nuts. LOL!
~Virginia
LOL! I might have that moment a time or two…*whistling and looking to the sky *
Part of our failure to communicate, I think, stems from the fact that some of us never get over the temptation to be like Robert and knowingly speak in riddles, to somehow prove to ourselves that we are the “smart one.”
I love that analogy! It’s so true! But really what are we proving?
Ha! I can’t even begin to count the times we’ve been “arguing” the same side, Richard and I. Both far too stubborn to stop and notice. Fortunately, we are arguers and NOT fighters, so it’s never a particularly big deal, but still . . . it makes me laugh when we both finally dismount the high horses and have that forehead-slapping moment of realization.
LOL! You both sounds like the perfect fit
We are arguers as well I believe there is a difference between fighters (they are a different breed altogether). Isn’t that moment the best! It always makes me laugh!
Too funny that I just read this. Last night Jenny and I had a huge one! In our case, it’s not that we don’t realize that we agree with one another, she just frustrates me because she feels the need to “wordsmith” things to death. She’s a language arts teacher, I’m an engineer. Sometimes it’s tough reminding yourself that just because the question is yes or no, doesn’t mean you’re not going to get a thesis on why it’s yes or no. Lol.
LOL! I think it is an engineer thing only because my husband is also an engineer! I think he might have the same gripe
When you say, “Your view does not make sense,” you mean:
1) “I don’t see the sense you are making, yet. Please tell me more about it.”
2) “I don’t like the sense you are making. I know you make it. I just don’t like it.”
3) “You don’t make my sense.” – People never make other people’s sense. They make their own…
Understanding – To see someone’s sense as different from yours. To grasp their validity.
All people make sense all the time…
http://meditationsfromthehive.wordpress.com/2012/01/07/you-dont-make-sense-or-do-you/
LOL! Yes they do! And those are perfect techniques to figure out what we are actually saying…
Yes, this happens sometimes. And I often go hide in one corner afterwards.
LOL! I would never hide! I would just sip my coffee and pretend I am right in the first place
Loved this. Of course I love so many of yours: but this captures something I’ll be thinking about, now, over the next few days. Active listening is not always my strong point.
Thanks Kate! Your compliments are always very kind! Active listening? What is that actually
Ahh, yes. Happens all the time. As a matter of fact, it just happened last week!
Or was that last year…?
LOL! I think it was last year
This happens to me very often when I drink. I am convinced that I am the “all knowing,” and of course the next morning, all I have left is shame .
Oh! The liquid lens can enhance a conversation
It’s really very difficult to “debate “on something that we are so passionate about. This is the reason why I don’t blog about politics. I know I have readers who are on the opposite side of the fence and I tend to be intolerant. things are bound to clash. I admit it’s one of my evil flaws that I need to correct. I have to listen to the other’s point of view.
I think it is very important to listen to both sides of the coin when it comes to politics. You need to find the place in the middle in which you are comfortable. It is also good to know both side and makes for better debate because you sometimes know your opponents rebuttal before it comes out of their mouth. I don’t think you should ever shy from the topics you are passionate about…
One of the great things is that there are a lot of great bloggers who can discuss politics openly with a rational mind. If you can maintain your rational thoughts without getting emotional. It makes the discussion of politics a much brighter field for play
My son does this to me all the time. I swear he argues just for the sake of arguing.
My son does too! It can be fun! I’m convinced he is going into law or politics someday…
The conversation was really fun. Yeah, it happens often. We always try to defend ourselves in the belief that others are trying to refute us. Happy New Year to you!
Happy New Year! Sometimes we do have to take a step back and realize that we might be cheering for the same team. Just saying it differently…
This hasn’t happened to me, but it makes for a good story!
Your sons are so adorable!
They are cute! They can really brighten my day