The Perfect Butt Clench

The perfect butt clench is not something you master with ease over night! It is something that takes years of practice! I think of it as an effortless flow where I close my eyes, sip my coffee, and squeeze really hard like a curler with a broom!

Sometimes I feel really ambitious and throw a Kegel  in for good measure! We all know that the Kegel has its benefits but throw in that rock hard butt clench – you get that Double Whammy!

I blame my butt clench addiction on Jane Fonda! She started the rage with her thong unitard and butt clench craze workouts.

I butt clench all of the time  because of her! It happens while I’m eating, disagreeing, reading, loving, and sleeping.

It is the effortless workout perfect for the core and your love hump.

So just follow my lead take a deep breath, pull in your butt muscles, next your kegel muscles, and squeeze for five seconds. If you are feeling really wild you could do a set of twelve!

It’s the perfect butt workout for any blogger! Go ahead and give it try! I Dare you to feel the burn and give  it a good hard squeeze!

Can you drink coffee, workout and read at the same time? Do you have a favorite blogging workout?

This post was inspired by Mel at Is this the Middle.

63 responses

  1. Okay, this made me smile. Ye olde caboose, foil of jokes through the ages, with many an arrow struck upon one in search of humour.

    And as children, a student discovering a tack the hard way made us laugh, leaving me to wonder… are butt jokes what make us human? ;-)

    Meanwhile, carry on with the exercising, and thanks for reminding me I need to as well.

    • I’m glad to make you smile with my corny jokes! Sometimes I just can’t resist…

      All of this talk of New Years Resolutions and healthy living! I decided the perfect way to start is bring back small goals like butt clenches throughout the day!

      Butt Jokes are universal! But don’t tell a post modern that ;)

  2. Hahha butt clenches for the win!

    I actually do butt clenches while waiting for the photocopier, standing in the bus, in the library…. basically everywhere!

  3. Ooooh, love me some Fergie – can do without the rest of the “Peas”. The video was hilarious.

    Also funny was my response to the phrase “curler witha broom.” Totalling losing my orientation (south of the border), I couldn’t figure out what a curling iron and broom had to do with squeezing… ROFL at myself.

    I think it’s too late for Kegel’s. Although losing half my body weight has helped, aging is tough on a body.

    • I had that workout video once upon a time ;) Small town and no gym what was a girl to do ;) The butt clench is all because of Jane Fonda! She revolutionized fitness!

      LOL! My mom watches curling and all you ever hear from the screen is the captain yelling “Hard! Hard!” Er! Well that’s what I think they are exclaiming…

      I have lots of things that go snap that didn’t once before I’m not happy about this whole aging process :)

  4. No, you didn’t.
    Okay, wait, can one achieve a butt clench while seated? May I please have a graphic on that?
    So many conflicting emotions upon the shout-out for inspiring this post. Humbling, and yet my incorrigible ego asks…perhaps I will go down in history like the Dark Lady as muse to Shakespeare?
    Too funny, and I sure needed a belly laugh today!

    • LOL! Oh! Yes! I did!

      I actually tried to do a seated butt clench maybe next Friday ;) If you didn’t dare me to do it would still be on my list for number 9 for the month of January. Friday is a good day to have a laugh!

  5. Holy guacamole, my southern muscles are all confused! When I try to clench one set, the Kegel muscles respond, when I clench those, my hiney puckers. Apparently I need a lot of work. What about the walking clench? I might have to work on that one too.

    • Hahaha! A walking clench is a different breed of clenching! I refer to that as a Silly Walk which I do to the mortification of my kids. The silly walk is inspired by Monty Python. I might just have to write a post on that…

      • Hahaha! Join in on the fun! Clench that Butt! I might have to send you a shirt it will say “I’m a Butt Clencher!” And on the back as you walk away it will say “Pretty Damn Proud!” and arrow sign point to your buttocks!

  6. reminds me of a lovely colleague who promoted butt clench every single day …
    it was hilarious to sit and watch her demonstrate how it should be done :)

  7. What the…hey, what’s going on over here??? !!! I love it!!!
    And your illustration is priceless!
    Guess I’ll try some– oh, I really hate any type of strenuous exercises :(
    What talent :) you have!

    • LOL! Thank you! The only excitement over here is the butt clench! Feel the burn!

      It is a secret talent! You only notice if you stand in line behind in me in the grocery store and your staring at my butt workout ;)

  8. I read this, started laughing quietly to myself and unconsciously started to clench. Now, I have clenched from time to time… stopped at lights in the car, etc… but now, I’m on the couch, with the laptop… clenching.

  9. Pingback: Seven x Seven Link Award « Simply Charming

  10. LOL! I first heard of the butt clench from an interview I heard of Cher. She was telling the interviewer that every time she gets in a car she does them. My child fell over laughing when I pulled up in the truck and did a few in front of her for fun – raising and lowering myself in the process.

    • Cher does them! Oh my goodness! I am destined to have the perfect butt! LOL! My children make fun of the butt clench! My oldest exclaimed the other day “No one will ever be able to wedgie me! I have the perfect butt clench!”

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